Let me tell you a little story. Once upon a time there was this tree. The tree had strong beautiful roots that helped it to grow to be a strong beautiful tree. Now, beside this tree was a sidewalk. Over time this tree's beautiful roots became so big and strong that it started to push up through the sidewalk. This caused the sidewalk to lift a little. More time passed and the root of the tree continued to push upward through the sidewalk and eventually caused it to fracture or crack and become a hazard for those walking past the tree.
This is a representation of the choices I've made in my life to get me to the point of needing to change. I was obese, extremely so. I was unhappy, unhealthy, and my relationships with my family were straining because of the life choices I made to get me to this depressive state. I over ate. I chose to eat take out and fried foods. I drank soda. I ate because I was sad, stressed, depressed, angry, happy...I could go on and on, the list really is quite long.
Now, let me tell you another story. Once upon a time.....there was a faucet that was attached to an underground well in the middle of a dirt field. This faucet developed a small leak that would cause a slow, steady amount of water to drip onto the dry land below. After a little bit of time a little green leaf started to sprout out of the ground where the water would drip. A little time more and this leaf turned into a beautiful flower. Over time, months maybe even years, this dirt field turned into a beautiful, green, flowering field.
This is a representation of the choices I am making now. Every drip of water has been something I have changed in me. Whether it be forgiving others of the pain they put me through or forgiving myself for causing even more pain. Choosing to eat more fruits and vegetables and not so much fried food. Stop eating when I'm no longer hungry and eating smaller portions....another list that could go on and on.
As of today, I have lost a total of 35 pounds since the end of January. I've had my struggles and I know I will continue to have struggles. It's been a slow road, but now I officially weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with our 4th child and I'm only 15 away from where I was when I got married.
Today, my flower bloomed. For the first time in many years, I was able to wear my wedding ring. This is HUGE for me. I have always refused to get it resized because I didn't want to give in to being over weight. I knew I could beat it and live a healthier lifestyle, and so I am! I am happier and healthier today than I have been in a long time. It was the small and simple choices, much like the drips of water, I made to get me to this point today.
It is the small and simple choices that effect our lives. Do we choose to be the tree that, through time, makes a crack in the sidewalk, or do we choose to be a leaky faucet that through time makes a beautiful meadow?? And these choices aren't limited to the way we eat. These small and simple things apply to how we treat others, the things we say, the way we choose to act or react to something...it involves EVERY decision we make. Even the decision to get out of bed in the morning or to smile at a stranger on the street. Imagine all the beautiful meadows that could exist if we only choose to make happier and healthier choices. After today, I am looking forward to my meadow. It will continue to be slow, but that's OK. I think I would prefer it to be slow rather than fast. I get to enjoy the journey more and it also teaches me patience and humility.
Sunday, July 15, 2018
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Best Effort
Well, we have reached the end of our 4 month no dairy trial. It had it's challenges, but overall went pretty well. I was surprised to find that I didn't really miss it. Yes, I occasionally missed the glass of milk with breakfast or after eating grapefruit. I didn't miss the cheese so much and it really helped me stay away from things that weren't good for me, such as desserts, fried foods, and cheesy things.
Despite my VERY best efforts, I found out today that some assumptions I had made concerning a certain Asian fast food eatery were wrong and that I have in fact NOT been 100% dairy-free as I had thought I was. To say I am disappointed is a SEVERE understatement. I feel like I have been punched in the gut, hit by a semi, and then kicked while I was down. I haven't eaten often there, perhaps 3 times, but still not 100%. As I was talking to my kids on the way home after finding out, my sweet 15 year old daughter said, "We gave it our best effort, mommy." And she is right. We gave it our best effort. Now it's time to move on.
Here is what I have decided to do now that the trial period is over. I am going to continue to remain mostly dairy-free. I own a cake decorating business and during these last 4 months have relied on others to taste test my cakes. As much as I have COMPLETELY appreciated all of their input and "sacrifices" to eat cake, I need to be able to judge my own product. I am going to continue to keep the household food dairy-free. If I go out to eat, I am not going to get things that are dairy based or have a lot of dairy in them. (So long Olive Garden Alfredo. I am going to miss you, but my midsection and thighs can't continue this destructive relationship.) I am also going to continue to keep my youngest 2 kids dairy free, or at least as much as possible! It has really helped my 3rd stay away from sugar he can't really handle and I want to try and teach my youngest the healthy habits I failed to teach my first 3 while they were young. (Younger is better! They don't complain or talk back!)
My oldest 2 are old enough to make their own choices and I hope they can take to heart the teachings that my husband and I are TRYING desperately to instill in them. They need to be able to make their own choices and learn from them. I just hope they can start listening to their inner voices since my outer voice won't be there.
I've learned a lot about myself and my family through these last 4 months. I am so proud of everybody for giving it their best effort. I hope and pray that moving on we will be able to make healthier choices and be able to govern for ourselves what our bodies need as opposed to want. We need to set our standards: stick to our guns, stand our ground, and stay true to the decisions we have made concerning our health and not be tempted or talked into anything less than what we expect from ourselves.
Despite my VERY best efforts, I found out today that some assumptions I had made concerning a certain Asian fast food eatery were wrong and that I have in fact NOT been 100% dairy-free as I had thought I was. To say I am disappointed is a SEVERE understatement. I feel like I have been punched in the gut, hit by a semi, and then kicked while I was down. I haven't eaten often there, perhaps 3 times, but still not 100%. As I was talking to my kids on the way home after finding out, my sweet 15 year old daughter said, "We gave it our best effort, mommy." And she is right. We gave it our best effort. Now it's time to move on.
Here is what I have decided to do now that the trial period is over. I am going to continue to remain mostly dairy-free. I own a cake decorating business and during these last 4 months have relied on others to taste test my cakes. As much as I have COMPLETELY appreciated all of their input and "sacrifices" to eat cake, I need to be able to judge my own product. I am going to continue to keep the household food dairy-free. If I go out to eat, I am not going to get things that are dairy based or have a lot of dairy in them. (So long Olive Garden Alfredo. I am going to miss you, but my midsection and thighs can't continue this destructive relationship.) I am also going to continue to keep my youngest 2 kids dairy free, or at least as much as possible! It has really helped my 3rd stay away from sugar he can't really handle and I want to try and teach my youngest the healthy habits I failed to teach my first 3 while they were young. (Younger is better! They don't complain or talk back!)
My oldest 2 are old enough to make their own choices and I hope they can take to heart the teachings that my husband and I are TRYING desperately to instill in them. They need to be able to make their own choices and learn from them. I just hope they can start listening to their inner voices since my outer voice won't be there.
I've learned a lot about myself and my family through these last 4 months. I am so proud of everybody for giving it their best effort. I hope and pray that moving on we will be able to make healthier choices and be able to govern for ourselves what our bodies need as opposed to want. We need to set our standards: stick to our guns, stand our ground, and stay true to the decisions we have made concerning our health and not be tempted or talked into anything less than what we expect from ourselves.
Sunday, April 29, 2018
You
I've been feeling a little discouraged lately. A couple weeks ago I weighed in and hadn't lost anything. In fact, I think I gained .2 pounds or something like that. Anyway, I looked back from my earlier days and found out that I stalled at the same weight then as I had this last time. (It was like Deja Vu.) Last week I lost and and I lost again this week. But I don't think this was really the reason why I have been feeling so discouraged.
This blog is a way for me to put thoughts and lessons I've learned down on "paper". When I first started this journey 4 years ago, I had so much feed back and support from those who read my blog. They kept me going. YOU keep me going.
I'm not doing this journey for you, I know I'm doing it for me. For my family. I'm not doing it to GET praise and to be noticed. But the truth is, I THRIVE on the feedback, comments, and support that I feel from my readers. Lately, I haven't been getting much feedback, and it's been bringing me down. So I haven't been posting as much. I wast to let you know that you are my inspiration. You matter to me, deeply.
So, I am writing this post to let you know that I need you now more than ever. It feels SO GOOD to know that there are people out there rooting for you. Your encouragement helps me get through the rough patches. Your cheers and words of encouragement help me feel successful. I need to feel your support. So, PLEASE let me know you are there. Again, YOU matter to ME.
This blog is a way for me to put thoughts and lessons I've learned down on "paper". When I first started this journey 4 years ago, I had so much feed back and support from those who read my blog. They kept me going. YOU keep me going.
I'm not doing this journey for you, I know I'm doing it for me. For my family. I'm not doing it to GET praise and to be noticed. But the truth is, I THRIVE on the feedback, comments, and support that I feel from my readers. Lately, I haven't been getting much feedback, and it's been bringing me down. So I haven't been posting as much. I wast to let you know that you are my inspiration. You matter to me, deeply.
So, I am writing this post to let you know that I need you now more than ever. It feels SO GOOD to know that there are people out there rooting for you. Your encouragement helps me get through the rough patches. Your cheers and words of encouragement help me feel successful. I need to feel your support. So, PLEASE let me know you are there. Again, YOU matter to ME.
Saturday, April 7, 2018
Fuel
So, I think that I mentioned that my sister is also losing weight. She is doing an INCREDIBLE job, I'm so proud of her. Anyway, a little while ago I was talking to her about the ins and outs of how she is losing weight and she mentioned that the meals and snacks she eats are called "fuelings" because that's what food is, fuel for your body. I didn't really take that to heart until this last week.
My energy has been LOW. I've been crashing around 10 AM or sometimes even 2PM every day. I had talked to my doctor about it and he told me to NOT take naps (buzz kill) and to develop a more steady routine for bed. (With 4 kids??? HAHAHA!!!) In addition to crashing and needing to take a quick 10-60 minute power nap, I've also been completely exhausted at night. It hits me like a brick wall around 8:30. To say that I've been struggling is a severe understatement. And I've been struggling for a while. I've tried so hard to not take any naps, but I get to the point where I feel like I'm floating and that I just might pass out if I don't lay down and rest. Sometimes I get terrible headaches. It hasn't been good OR fun.
A couple days ago, this conversation about "fuelings" with my sister just popped into my head and it donned on me. You see, I haven't been having snacks. I haven't felt hungry enough to have snacks so, I haven't really been thinking about them. If I have a small breakfast then I tend to get a little hungry, but I just wait it out till it's time for lunch. I decided a couple days ago that I will try to start having snacks between meals to see if that made a difference in my energy levels. Even if I didn't FEEL hungry, I would still have a snack. I've been doing that for 3 or 4 days now and I think that it is actually making a difference. I don't have big snacks, but I give my body something to help it keep going. Go figure, right? HA! I haven't felt like I needed a nap for 2 days. I've had a lot more energy to keep up with my 2 year old and everything that is expected of me here at home, and also have the energy and time to do something for me. I didn't realize that I've been running on half full, or near empty all this time!
I think I have this misconception about snacks. I've always felt that if I eat more snacks, then I won't lose as much weight. I'm afraid that I WON'T lose the weight and that I will continue to gain. I think, up until now, I've been doing fine without snacks. I've had excess weight that kind of made up for not having snacks. Now that I've lost some of that excess weight, my body is starting to say, "Hey, I know you are trying hard and wanting to get healthy and lose weight, but I need energy to help you do that." I'm eating less and it is starting to catch up with me. I need the fuel, the snacks. Tomorrow is my weigh-in day. I will be confronting this misconception head on. Wish me luck!
My energy has been LOW. I've been crashing around 10 AM or sometimes even 2PM every day. I had talked to my doctor about it and he told me to NOT take naps (buzz kill) and to develop a more steady routine for bed. (With 4 kids??? HAHAHA!!!) In addition to crashing and needing to take a quick 10-60 minute power nap, I've also been completely exhausted at night. It hits me like a brick wall around 8:30. To say that I've been struggling is a severe understatement. And I've been struggling for a while. I've tried so hard to not take any naps, but I get to the point where I feel like I'm floating and that I just might pass out if I don't lay down and rest. Sometimes I get terrible headaches. It hasn't been good OR fun.
A couple days ago, this conversation about "fuelings" with my sister just popped into my head and it donned on me. You see, I haven't been having snacks. I haven't felt hungry enough to have snacks so, I haven't really been thinking about them. If I have a small breakfast then I tend to get a little hungry, but I just wait it out till it's time for lunch. I decided a couple days ago that I will try to start having snacks between meals to see if that made a difference in my energy levels. Even if I didn't FEEL hungry, I would still have a snack. I've been doing that for 3 or 4 days now and I think that it is actually making a difference. I don't have big snacks, but I give my body something to help it keep going. Go figure, right? HA! I haven't felt like I needed a nap for 2 days. I've had a lot more energy to keep up with my 2 year old and everything that is expected of me here at home, and also have the energy and time to do something for me. I didn't realize that I've been running on half full, or near empty all this time!
I think I have this misconception about snacks. I've always felt that if I eat more snacks, then I won't lose as much weight. I'm afraid that I WON'T lose the weight and that I will continue to gain. I think, up until now, I've been doing fine without snacks. I've had excess weight that kind of made up for not having snacks. Now that I've lost some of that excess weight, my body is starting to say, "Hey, I know you are trying hard and wanting to get healthy and lose weight, but I need energy to help you do that." I'm eating less and it is starting to catch up with me. I need the fuel, the snacks. Tomorrow is my weigh-in day. I will be confronting this misconception head on. Wish me luck!
Sunday, March 25, 2018
Reckoning
This last week was the kids' spring break. It was also our oldest boy's birthday and Dad had taken the week off so, we decided that we would go to a nearby resort hotel and have some family fun together.
We went to Great Wolf Lodge (GWL) in Colorado Springs. If you aren't familiar with GWL, let me give you a "little" run down. (I say "little" because there isn't anything "little" about this place.) For starters, they have an indoor water park. It is exclusive only to their guests, which is really nice. In addition to the water park, they also have miniature golfing, a suspended ropes course, a rock wall, bowling, an arcade, a little mining station for kids, a scavenger hunt, several activities for the kids throughout the day (kids yoga, dancing, shows, etc. etc.), and this interactive video game called "MagiQuest". I decided I would leave my FitBit at home because I didn't want to lose it taking it off and on to get into the water. BIG MISTAKE! I SWEAR I walked at least 40,000 steps during our 2 night stay there. My feet and glutes hurt SO bad when we got home! Anyway, in addition to over stimulation for the kids, they are also equipped with several places to eat. They had an eatery inside the water park, a breakfast and dinner buffet, a pizzeria, a nice sit down restaurant open for lunch and dinner, a Ben and Jerry's, a candy shop, vending machines, and a Dunkin' Donuts. And they are smart about it too. You come down from the rooms and you immediately see the sit down place and off to the left is the buffet. Then you start heading the direction of the water park and you HAVE to pass the Ben and Jerry's, candy shop, Dunkin' Donuts, AND the pizzeria before you get to the entry to the park. Sheer brilliance. We did have fun though. A lot of exhausting fun.
Going on vacation used to be an "excuse", if you may, to eat whatever you want. "I'm going to eat this because I'm on vacation.", "It doesn't matter because I'm on vacation and I can do what I want." We made it a priority to stick to the plan during our stay. We made sure that our waiters knew that we were dairy free. They were VERY accommodating. The chefs would even come out and walk us through either the buffet or the menu and let us know what had dairy in it. If something had dairy in it that we wanted, they would then make us a special batch and bring it to our table. For instance, the first night (and first meal) there we went to the dinner buffet. They had salmon there that they had put a chipotle ranch on. We asked if they had any that hadn't gotten dressed yet and they didn't think so, BUT they cooked up a special batch of salmon just for us, and it was DELICIOUS. The next morning when we went down for breakfast they had scrambled eggs that they had cooked with butter. They scrambled a batch of eggs just for us without the butter. They really made it quite easy and I didn't feel like I was being picky or a nuisance. The unfortunate thing though were their French Fries. They. Were. Good. I might have eaten one or two......too much.
After our stay I mentioned to my husband how I didn't want to weigh-in because of all the food I ate. I didn't over fill myself. I don't ever recall feeling like I overate, but I knew that some of my choices weren't necessarily the best. He called it the "day of reckoning". How appropriate that is. I did it though. I weighed myself this morning and was pleasantly surprised. I only gained .2! I KNOW that all the walking I did helped with that. (I seriously walked all over that stupid place at least 100 times.) And also making sure we stuck to being dairy-free. When I logged in my weight I looked back over my weigh-ins from my past blogging. The same thing happened my 4th week in when we had gone to Utah for a family vacation. I gained .2 then and I gained .2 now.
There should be no excuse for making poor choices, vacation or no. Taking health seriously means just that, taking it seriously. My sister has lost an amazing amount of weight and she told me that when you go out you need to have a "plan". That you shouldn't deprive yourself of going out and hanging with friends or family because you don't want to "fall off the wagon". Have a plan and STICK to that plan. We had a plan. We stuck to that plan. Yes, I might have had too many French Fries and now I'm seeing the results because of it, but I'm proud of us for sticking to the plan.The day we got home I had a birthday cake to decorate. (I decorate cakes as a business.) There was no food in the house and I was NOT about to make dinner. (I was EXHAUSTED as were my kids!) A local southwest eatery sounded EXTREMELY good to me and when my husband called to ask about dairy-free items we found out that there was more dairy in things that we realized. It wasn't a LOT of dairy, 99% dairy-free, but there was dairy. Broke. My. Heart. But, we still stuck to the plan. We didn't go get food. My husband cooked some pasta and we topped it with what we wanted. It didn't hit the spot like the other food would have, but it did the job and he was my hero for making it. (Thanks again honey!!)
Vacations are about having fun and making memories, not regrets later. Take your health seriously. Have a plan. NO EXCUSES!
We went to Great Wolf Lodge (GWL) in Colorado Springs. If you aren't familiar with GWL, let me give you a "little" run down. (I say "little" because there isn't anything "little" about this place.) For starters, they have an indoor water park. It is exclusive only to their guests, which is really nice. In addition to the water park, they also have miniature golfing, a suspended ropes course, a rock wall, bowling, an arcade, a little mining station for kids, a scavenger hunt, several activities for the kids throughout the day (kids yoga, dancing, shows, etc. etc.), and this interactive video game called "MagiQuest". I decided I would leave my FitBit at home because I didn't want to lose it taking it off and on to get into the water. BIG MISTAKE! I SWEAR I walked at least 40,000 steps during our 2 night stay there. My feet and glutes hurt SO bad when we got home! Anyway, in addition to over stimulation for the kids, they are also equipped with several places to eat. They had an eatery inside the water park, a breakfast and dinner buffet, a pizzeria, a nice sit down restaurant open for lunch and dinner, a Ben and Jerry's, a candy shop, vending machines, and a Dunkin' Donuts. And they are smart about it too. You come down from the rooms and you immediately see the sit down place and off to the left is the buffet. Then you start heading the direction of the water park and you HAVE to pass the Ben and Jerry's, candy shop, Dunkin' Donuts, AND the pizzeria before you get to the entry to the park. Sheer brilliance. We did have fun though. A lot of exhausting fun.
Going on vacation used to be an "excuse", if you may, to eat whatever you want. "I'm going to eat this because I'm on vacation.", "It doesn't matter because I'm on vacation and I can do what I want." We made it a priority to stick to the plan during our stay. We made sure that our waiters knew that we were dairy free. They were VERY accommodating. The chefs would even come out and walk us through either the buffet or the menu and let us know what had dairy in it. If something had dairy in it that we wanted, they would then make us a special batch and bring it to our table. For instance, the first night (and first meal) there we went to the dinner buffet. They had salmon there that they had put a chipotle ranch on. We asked if they had any that hadn't gotten dressed yet and they didn't think so, BUT they cooked up a special batch of salmon just for us, and it was DELICIOUS. The next morning when we went down for breakfast they had scrambled eggs that they had cooked with butter. They scrambled a batch of eggs just for us without the butter. They really made it quite easy and I didn't feel like I was being picky or a nuisance. The unfortunate thing though were their French Fries. They. Were. Good. I might have eaten one or two......too much.
After our stay I mentioned to my husband how I didn't want to weigh-in because of all the food I ate. I didn't over fill myself. I don't ever recall feeling like I overate, but I knew that some of my choices weren't necessarily the best. He called it the "day of reckoning". How appropriate that is. I did it though. I weighed myself this morning and was pleasantly surprised. I only gained .2! I KNOW that all the walking I did helped with that. (I seriously walked all over that stupid place at least 100 times.) And also making sure we stuck to being dairy-free. When I logged in my weight I looked back over my weigh-ins from my past blogging. The same thing happened my 4th week in when we had gone to Utah for a family vacation. I gained .2 then and I gained .2 now.
There should be no excuse for making poor choices, vacation or no. Taking health seriously means just that, taking it seriously. My sister has lost an amazing amount of weight and she told me that when you go out you need to have a "plan". That you shouldn't deprive yourself of going out and hanging with friends or family because you don't want to "fall off the wagon". Have a plan and STICK to that plan. We had a plan. We stuck to that plan. Yes, I might have had too many French Fries and now I'm seeing the results because of it, but I'm proud of us for sticking to the plan.The day we got home I had a birthday cake to decorate. (I decorate cakes as a business.) There was no food in the house and I was NOT about to make dinner. (I was EXHAUSTED as were my kids!) A local southwest eatery sounded EXTREMELY good to me and when my husband called to ask about dairy-free items we found out that there was more dairy in things that we realized. It wasn't a LOT of dairy, 99% dairy-free, but there was dairy. Broke. My. Heart. But, we still stuck to the plan. We didn't go get food. My husband cooked some pasta and we topped it with what we wanted. It didn't hit the spot like the other food would have, but it did the job and he was my hero for making it. (Thanks again honey!!)
Vacations are about having fun and making memories, not regrets later. Take your health seriously. Have a plan. NO EXCUSES!
Friday, March 23, 2018
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
It has officially been 9 weeks since we went dairy-free and I've started my weight loss journey again. I am already starting to see differences. Not only in myself, but my children as well. I did a similar post back in October of 2014. Some of the changes I'm noticing are the same they were back then: my pants are looser, my shirts are baggier, my tummy is getting flatter, etc. etc. One thing that I've noticed with going dairy-free though is that I am no longer waking up in the middle of the night with stomach cramps and bloating. This has literally been my own personal plague. Every night I would use essential oils to keep the bloating and cramps at bay. It worked fine, but now I don't have to worry about it.
My oldest daughter has had skin issues on the bottom of her feet since I can remember. They crack really deep and often bleed and cause her a lot of pain. They would peel and flake and get kind of "rubbery". I haven't personally looked at her feet lately, but she says that they are clearing up. We've always had to go through a pretty involved process to get her feet to the point where they would be considered healthy.
My second daughter has always had a little "pooch" on her and has also had issues with excessive gas. (I hope she doesn't hate me when she reads this.) When we asked her if she has noticed any differences, her stubborn head strong self said "No." Well, I have. Her tummy is gone. She no longer has the "pooch" she's always had and her butt has shrunk. Not to mention, she is no where near as gassy as she used to be. Let's call this a little miracle.
My almost 7 year old son has been wonderful. With everything placed before him he asks me if it is dairy-free, bless his heart. Also, when he is given treats of ANY kind, he either asks me or his big sisters if he can have it or if it has dairy in it. Before, he would go ahead and eat it without asking. He's such a sweetheart and I'm so proud of him for being aware of the food around him. He is definitely an example to me.
My youngest is 2. He's crazy. The only changes I've noticed in him is that his cheeks don't seem to flare up anymore with redness. They still get dry because we live in Colorado and there is ZERO humidity, but his cheeks used to get SO chapped and red. It was irritating mine just to see his flared up. His diaper rashes aren't as bad either.
I don't know if my husband has noticed any changes, I'll have to ask him. But, overall, I'm very happy to see the changes I'm seeing. Everybody in the house is benefiting from this major change in our lives.
My oldest daughter has had skin issues on the bottom of her feet since I can remember. They crack really deep and often bleed and cause her a lot of pain. They would peel and flake and get kind of "rubbery". I haven't personally looked at her feet lately, but she says that they are clearing up. We've always had to go through a pretty involved process to get her feet to the point where they would be considered healthy.
My second daughter has always had a little "pooch" on her and has also had issues with excessive gas. (I hope she doesn't hate me when she reads this.) When we asked her if she has noticed any differences, her stubborn head strong self said "No." Well, I have. Her tummy is gone. She no longer has the "pooch" she's always had and her butt has shrunk. Not to mention, she is no where near as gassy as she used to be. Let's call this a little miracle.
My almost 7 year old son has been wonderful. With everything placed before him he asks me if it is dairy-free, bless his heart. Also, when he is given treats of ANY kind, he either asks me or his big sisters if he can have it or if it has dairy in it. Before, he would go ahead and eat it without asking. He's such a sweetheart and I'm so proud of him for being aware of the food around him. He is definitely an example to me.
My youngest is 2. He's crazy. The only changes I've noticed in him is that his cheeks don't seem to flare up anymore with redness. They still get dry because we live in Colorado and there is ZERO humidity, but his cheeks used to get SO chapped and red. It was irritating mine just to see his flared up. His diaper rashes aren't as bad either.
I don't know if my husband has noticed any changes, I'll have to ask him. But, overall, I'm very happy to see the changes I'm seeing. Everybody in the house is benefiting from this major change in our lives.
Sunday, March 18, 2018
Breaking Point
Each of us has our "Breaking Point". Well, I hit mine today.
The whole point of this weight loss journey is so that I can be healthier. Healthier and happier, right? I've changed the way I eat and I've changed the kinds of things I eat. I'm losing weight and fitting into my clothes better. I should be happy, right?? So, why am I NOT happy?! I'm working on the physical aspect of becoming healthier, but I haven't been so much working on the emotional and spiritual side of things.
For a while now I have felt completely numb. Numb from the emotions of the day, numb from the spirit that guides me in my daily trials. I'm just numb. In Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages" he mentions a top 3 daily requirement. That everyday you should sit down with your spouse and share 3 emotions or feelings of the day. This helps open the door to a better communicating relationship and also lets your spouse know where you are, how you're feeling, and if there is anything that they can do to help. It's provides a deeper connection. Spencer and I have always had the best of intentions to start this and keep at it, but lately I've thought, "If I were to sit down and pick 3 emotions from the day, what would I even say?!" Lately my response has been, "Tired, overwhelmed, and tired."
My book club recently read "Reading People" by Anne Bogel. I found it hard to follow because I had never even heard of all these different types of personalities, but that's not the point. There was a section in her book that talked about Enneagrams. At the end of reading the book we all took the personality tests and I found out that my Enneagram is a Type 2. I am a very unhealthy 2. The reason I say that is because of this in the description:
"Because Twos are generally helping others meet their needs, they can forget to take care of their own. This can lead to physical burnout, emotional exhaustion and emotional volatility. Twos need to learn that they can only be of true service to others if they are healthy, balanced and centered in themselves."
In all my efforts to take care of my family, I have completely pushed my needs away to allow time for them. I haven't been allowing myself any "me time"; doing the things that I want, nourishing myself, and working on my emotional and spiritual needs. I have been so busy and overwhelmed taking care of my household's needs and my family's needs, that I haven't even given my needs a second thought. This is not helping me become a healthier me! Am I being selfish in wanting to take care of myself??? In wanting my needs and wants fulfilled??!!
When I got married and started to have kids, I signed up for this. I am a homemaker. It is my duty as a mother and wife to take care of my kids' and my husband's needs. All the time and effort it takes me to do all this, by the end of the day I am completely EXHAUSTED and I just tune out and become numb. This was my realization last night which led to my breaking point today and a pretty ugly morning this morning. I've been expecting my family to fill that empty void in me, especially my husband. How can I expect that void to be filled when I'm not doing anything to fill it? They can't do that for me.
This is where I'm at right now. I don't know what it is I need to do. I get out twice a month to do something I want to do, but that isn't enough. In order for me to be a healthier me, I need to make time for ME! EVERY. DAY. I don't see any other way. I just don't know who I am anymore because I have been numb for so long.
Today in church I gave the Relief Society lesson. (Relief Society is a class for just women 18 years and older.) A friend made the comment, "Who is the most important person in the home?" All of us naturally think the children, right? Well, she continued to say, "Without us, the parents, the children wouldn't even be here. So, who is the most important person in the family? We are." It was like she knew exactly how my morning went. I hadn't even said a word and she read me completely. She helped me see that I am important! That I need to take care of myself. I'm thinking, and praying, that as I start to take care of myself and my needs then the numbness will go away. That I will start to FEEL again.
I AM important. If I can't take care of myself, how can I expect to take care of my family?? An unhealthy me also makes for an unhealthy family. We can eat all the very best foods, be the ideal weight, have the best health results, and still not be healthy if we don't take the time to take care of ourselves. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I HAVE to.
The whole point of this weight loss journey is so that I can be healthier. Healthier and happier, right? I've changed the way I eat and I've changed the kinds of things I eat. I'm losing weight and fitting into my clothes better. I should be happy, right?? So, why am I NOT happy?! I'm working on the physical aspect of becoming healthier, but I haven't been so much working on the emotional and spiritual side of things.
For a while now I have felt completely numb. Numb from the emotions of the day, numb from the spirit that guides me in my daily trials. I'm just numb. In Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages" he mentions a top 3 daily requirement. That everyday you should sit down with your spouse and share 3 emotions or feelings of the day. This helps open the door to a better communicating relationship and also lets your spouse know where you are, how you're feeling, and if there is anything that they can do to help. It's provides a deeper connection. Spencer and I have always had the best of intentions to start this and keep at it, but lately I've thought, "If I were to sit down and pick 3 emotions from the day, what would I even say?!" Lately my response has been, "Tired, overwhelmed, and tired."
My book club recently read "Reading People" by Anne Bogel. I found it hard to follow because I had never even heard of all these different types of personalities, but that's not the point. There was a section in her book that talked about Enneagrams. At the end of reading the book we all took the personality tests and I found out that my Enneagram is a Type 2. I am a very unhealthy 2. The reason I say that is because of this in the description:
"Because Twos are generally helping others meet their needs, they can forget to take care of their own. This can lead to physical burnout, emotional exhaustion and emotional volatility. Twos need to learn that they can only be of true service to others if they are healthy, balanced and centered in themselves."
In all my efforts to take care of my family, I have completely pushed my needs away to allow time for them. I haven't been allowing myself any "me time"; doing the things that I want, nourishing myself, and working on my emotional and spiritual needs. I have been so busy and overwhelmed taking care of my household's needs and my family's needs, that I haven't even given my needs a second thought. This is not helping me become a healthier me! Am I being selfish in wanting to take care of myself??? In wanting my needs and wants fulfilled??!!
When I got married and started to have kids, I signed up for this. I am a homemaker. It is my duty as a mother and wife to take care of my kids' and my husband's needs. All the time and effort it takes me to do all this, by the end of the day I am completely EXHAUSTED and I just tune out and become numb. This was my realization last night which led to my breaking point today and a pretty ugly morning this morning. I've been expecting my family to fill that empty void in me, especially my husband. How can I expect that void to be filled when I'm not doing anything to fill it? They can't do that for me.
This is where I'm at right now. I don't know what it is I need to do. I get out twice a month to do something I want to do, but that isn't enough. In order for me to be a healthier me, I need to make time for ME! EVERY. DAY. I don't see any other way. I just don't know who I am anymore because I have been numb for so long.
Today in church I gave the Relief Society lesson. (Relief Society is a class for just women 18 years and older.) A friend made the comment, "Who is the most important person in the home?" All of us naturally think the children, right? Well, she continued to say, "Without us, the parents, the children wouldn't even be here. So, who is the most important person in the family? We are." It was like she knew exactly how my morning went. I hadn't even said a word and she read me completely. She helped me see that I am important! That I need to take care of myself. I'm thinking, and praying, that as I start to take care of myself and my needs then the numbness will go away. That I will start to FEEL again.
I AM important. If I can't take care of myself, how can I expect to take care of my family?? An unhealthy me also makes for an unhealthy family. We can eat all the very best foods, be the ideal weight, have the best health results, and still not be healthy if we don't take the time to take care of ourselves. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I HAVE to.
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