Breaking Point

Each of us has our "Breaking Point". Well, I hit mine today.

The whole point of this weight loss journey is so that I can be healthier. Healthier and happier, right? I've changed the way I eat and I've changed the kinds of things I eat. I'm losing weight and fitting into my clothes better. I should be happy, right?? So, why am I NOT happy?! I'm working on the physical aspect of becoming healthier, but I haven't been so much working on the emotional and spiritual side of things.

For a while now I have felt completely numb. Numb from the emotions of the day, numb from the spirit that guides me in my daily trials. I'm just numb. In Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages" he mentions a top 3 daily requirement. That everyday you should sit down with your spouse and share 3 emotions or feelings of the day. This helps open the door to a better communicating relationship and also lets your spouse know where you are, how you're feeling, and if there is anything that they can do to help. It's provides a deeper connection. Spencer and I have always had the best of intentions to start this and keep at it, but lately I've thought, "If I were to sit down and pick 3 emotions from the day, what would I even say?!" Lately my response has been, "Tired, overwhelmed, and tired."

My book club recently read "Reading People" by Anne Bogel.  I found it hard to follow because I had never even heard of all these different types of personalities, but that's not the point. There was a section in her book that talked about Enneagrams. At the end of reading the book we all took the personality tests and I found out that my Enneagram is a Type 2. I am a very unhealthy 2. The reason I say that is because of this in the description:

"Because Twos are generally helping others meet their needs, they can forget to take care of their own. This can lead to physical burnout, emotional exhaustion and emotional volatility. Twos need to learn that they can only be of true service to others if they are healthy, balanced and centered in themselves."

In all my efforts to take care of my family, I have completely pushed my needs away to allow time for them. I haven't been allowing myself any "me time"; doing the things that I want, nourishing myself, and working on my emotional and spiritual needs. I have been so busy and overwhelmed taking care of my household's needs and my family's needs, that I haven't even given my needs a second thought. This is not helping me become a healthier me! Am I being selfish in wanting to take care of myself??? In wanting my needs and wants fulfilled??!!

When I got married and started to have kids, I signed up for this. I am a homemaker. It is my duty as a mother and wife to take care of my kids' and my husband's needs. All the time and effort it takes me to do all this, by the end of the day I am completely EXHAUSTED and I just tune out and become numb. This was my realization last night which led to my breaking point today and a pretty ugly morning this morning. I've been expecting my family to fill that empty void in me, especially my husband. How can I expect that void to be filled when I'm not doing anything to fill it? They can't do that for me.

This is where I'm at right now. I don't know what it is I need to do. I get out twice a month to do something I want to do, but that isn't enough. In order for me to be a healthier me, I need to make time for ME! EVERY. DAY. I don't see any other way. I just don't know who I am anymore because I have been numb for so long.

Today in church I gave the Relief Society lesson. (Relief Society is a class for just women 18 years and older.) A friend made the comment, "Who is the most important person in the home?" All of us naturally think the children, right? Well, she continued to say, "Without us, the parents, the children wouldn't even be here. So, who is the most important person in the family? We are." It was like she knew exactly how my morning went. I hadn't even said a word and she read me completely. She helped me see that I am important! That I need to take care of myself. I'm thinking, and praying, that as I start to take care of myself and my needs then the numbness will go away. That I will start to FEEL again.

I AM important. If I can't take care of myself, how can I expect to take care of my family?? An unhealthy me also makes for an unhealthy family. We can eat all the very best foods, be the ideal weight, have the best health results, and still not be healthy if we don't take the time to take care of ourselves. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I HAVE to.

Size Matters

One of the "rules" of this lifestyle that we have chosen is to eat ONLY until you are no longer hungry. I think it is the hardest out of all the "rules". Sometimes it is such a gray line and you don't know you've over eaten, or not eaten enough, until later. It's really hard to get used to, without feeling like you're starving yourself.

Something I do that helps with making sure I don't over eat is using a smaller plate. I use a small plate for breakfast (when I actually need a plate), for lunch (one of those from IKEA for kids), and for dinner. I've noticed that when I use a big plate, I tend to overeat. I don't put anything on my small plate that won't fit.

I made mango BBQ chicken, potato salad, and broccoli for dinner. I had split each breast into two thinner cutlets which made for a more appropriate size serving. If I want to eat some of everything, I take smaller portions. I do this because if I run out of room on the plate, then I don't eat it. VERY seldom do I take seconds. I also ALWAYS make sure that I finish my water between helpings. This helps the food settle and helps "fill in" where I need it to (so I don't overeat).

The size of plate and serving portions really truly matter! Did you notice a few years ago that most restaurants changed the size of plates they use and their portion sizes? I sure did! I remember getting the plate and thinking, "That's it???!!!"  Now I just expect it and am always FLOORED when it is big enough to feed at least 3 people.

If you struggle with overeating, I HIGHLY recommend changing the size plate you use. It really has made a huge difference with me.

Test Results

So, a couple weeks ago I went in for a biometric screening. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically a fasting blood test where they check my glucose, triglycerides, and cholesterol and then they take my vitals. (We got an extra $300 in our FSA for doing it.) Well, my test results came back and it all looked great except my triglycerides.

I went in to see my doctor and he told me that people would pay to have my cholesterol levels (that made me feel good), and that my triglycerides were slightly elevated. That was such a relief! The lab made it seem like I was at the top of the scale at 201, but turns out that it could actually be in the thousands! I walked away from that appointment feeling pretty darn good about myself and the health choices I have made in my life. Especially when he told me that when he had seen me earlier in the week he had thought to himself that I had to have lost some weight. He told me to keep it up and that I weighed less now than I have in the past 5 years, according to his records. I think that was the very first time I have EVER walked out of the doctors office feeling good about myself!

Choosing a healthy lifestyle most certainly pays off!! I'm so grateful that I'm choosing to be healthy.

Cashew Queso

My mom LOVES Queso. She has really been missing it with this Dairy-Free eating. I was given a recipe for some Dairy-Free Queso from my friend (the same one who gave me the Spinach Artichoke recipe). I promised my mom that I would make it for her. Well, I did and guess what!? ANOTHER AMAZING recipe!! And it was SO easy!

Cashew Queso
  
1 C Cashew Milk
1/4 C Nutritional Yeast (the GOOD stuff!) 
1/2 C raw Almonds
1/2 C raw Cashews
I whole Red Bell Pepper, seeded
1 1/2 tsp Sea Salt
1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
1 tsp Onion Powder
pinch Crushed Red Pepper Flakes (this wasn't spicy, but if you like it spicy add more)

1. Add liquid to your blender first then everything else after.
2. Start blender on low and increase speed to high
3. Blend on high for 6 minutes

We have a Vitamix and it actually heat this up while it blended. I don't know what a normal blender would do, but if it doesn't heat up you could always place it in a small skillet after it is blended and heat it up. I actually made burritos and smothered them with the Queso. It was DELICIOUS and my mom was VERY happy.


P.S. We just finished the burritos that we used this on. Just to let you know, it didn't stay as creamy as it was the first night, but what cheese does? It still tasted delicious though! 

Dairy-Free Alfredo

If you know me, you know that I am a straight up Alfredo SNOB. I LOVE Alfredo sauce. It is one of my go-to comfort foods. Before I order it at a restaurant, I always ask if I can taste it first. That way I know if it is good or not. Another thing about me is that I am NOT a Cauliflower fan. Smother it in butter and red wine vinegar and I'll eat a little, but other than that...no thanks. Well, I found a dairy-free Alfredo recipe that is absolutely DELICIOUS! And guess what? It uses CAULIFLOWER.

Healthier Cauliflower Alfredo Sauce

• 1 medium head of cauliflower, steamed (I had a large head so I used half) 
• 1 large onion
• 3-5 cloves garlic
• 1 tablespoon butter (I used Earth Balance Olive Oil Spread. I find it at Sprouts)
• 3/4 cup cashew milk
• 1/2 cup chicken broth
• 1/4 cup nutritional yeast optional (Make sure it's the good stuff!)
• 1/2 teaspoon sea salt

Instructions

1. Cut the onion and garlic into thin slices. Melt the butter in a skillet on low heat, add onion slices and garlic and sauté covered on low until the onions are golden and caramelized (minimum 20 minutes).
2. Place the tender cauliflower florets into a blender or food processor together with the caramelized onions, garlic, 1/2 cup of broth, milk and salt. Puree until smooth.
   This stuff was pretty AMAZING on pasta. We were all very much loving it. My husband even said that he never would have known it was made with Cauliflower if I hadn't told him. Give it a try!! You'll LOVE it!

Fear

How many of us have thought to ourselves, "I can't do it. Why try?"

I just finished this book called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years". It's about a man who was approached by some film makers to make a movie based on a book he had written, but realized that he himself was living a boring life and needed to change. So he sets out to "write a better story" of himself. It was a really good book and I totally recommend it. It made me think about the life I myself was living and the lives that I was helping my children live. Anyway, he was talking about fear and how it plays a big part in our lives, IF we allow it to. he says,

"I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn't only a guide to keep us safe; it's also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life."

He then says,

"While ambition creates fear, it also creates the story."

We can't let fear win. Fear is an enemy and we only doubt ourselves because of fear. I can't even tell you how many times I've been on a diet and have failed. The earliest I can remember going on a diet is third grade. I didn't know what I was doing, I was NINE! But, it was my first failed diet. It will always be my first failed diet. It started me on the path to find something that worked for ME. I'm trying to write me a better story. One that will allow me to live a healthier and happier life for me AND my family.

Today when I weighed in, the scale didn't show a loss. I even went and used my mom's scale after mine didn't show a loss. I admit that I was quite discouraged, disappointed, and a bit taken back. My pants seem to be fitting looser and I was extra cautious this week in paying attention to my body signals and portions. I thought for sure I was going to show a loss. But, when I didn't, I immediately thought, "Why try?!" I was down so, I made myself a cup of Dairy-Free Hot Chocolate, toasted up an Organic Cinnamon Raisin Bagel, and cut up half a Cara Cara Orange. It tasted good. And then I talked to my husband. I started to doubt myself and the promptings and guidance I've gotten to do this. It's a scary road and I'm bound to have ups and downs. No road known to man doesn't have ups and downs. I need to remember this and today was quite the humble reminder.

When you find yourself doubting yourself and asking yourself, "Why try?", just remember,

"The great stories go to those who don't give into fear."

I want mine to be a GREAT story.

Signs

There are many signs that we kind of brush off or don't pay much attention to: speed limit signs, signs that tell us to "slow down", "Yield",  and a lot that say "Stop". This last week we got another big snow storm. The common sign that I've been reflecting on is "Caution: Roads may be Icy". My car will often times bring up a little reminder that tells me to be careful because ice may be present. This is a warning that we can all pay more attention to in our own personal journeys, especially me.

As I've been recovering from being sick and getting back into the swing of things, I found myself slipping on that icy road because I was going too fast. This last week I haven't been following all the rules and it was a humble reminder as I stepped on the scale of how important the rules are. Just like traffic signs, we need to follow the rules and heed the cautions that are given to us.

Many times this last week I found myself telling myself, "I shouldn't have eaten that much." I'm realizing that I don't need 2 eggs, 1 does the job just fine. Just like I don't need a whole sandwich when I'm having other things with it such as fruit or chips. I really don't need seconds, I usually have seconds only because it tastes so good. This is NOT a good reason. And I shouldn't eat chips out of the bag. I should put an amount on my plate and be happy with that, (I've been on a guacamole and hummus trip lately.) I didn't pay attention to my body signals and often found myself eating only because it was that time of day, even though I wasn't hungry, which also led me to realize that I had over eaten the meal previous. This was a common, vicious cycle this last week. Needless to say, I'm paying MUCH closer attention to the size of my meals. Even my protein shakes have gotten smaller.

The point is this, the signs are there for a reason. The rules are there for a reason. They are both there to protect us and to help us stay safe and healthy. We can't take them for granted. I can't take them for granted anymore.