FUN

For the FIRST time in my LIFE I went clothes shopping and had FUN!!!

I was a vendor at a boutique this last weekend, thus why I didn't post last week due to being super busy. At the boutique was a woman who was selling clothes.  Let me back up a little.  I was late to this boutique because I couldn't find a shirt that would fit me.  They are all too big.  Feeling SO happy because all my clothes are too big and SO frustrated because.... ALL my clothes are too big, I thought I would look at what she had to see if I could fit into anything. (Usually clothes at boutiques are for the "petite" kind of women and children.) She gave me a couple skirts to try on.  I went into the bathroom and tried on the first skirt. LOVED it!!! It was blue with an orange and brown design on it and it was an extra large.  I was OK with that.  Especially since that last skirts I bought were more 2X-ish. It was time to try on the next skirt.  I slipped it on and it was awesome!  I wasn't crazy about the design, but what made it awesome was that fact that it was a large. I set them aside and waited for my family to show up to show them. When they showed up I started to show my husband these clothes. In the midst of me showing him these clothes I found a dress and 3 other skirts.  One of which was a medium.  I tried it on and guess what.....it FIT!!!!

I have NEVER had so much fun shopping.  I was actually happy!!! It has always been a "That looks better on the hanger than on me" kind of time. Or, "Ugh! I'm so fat!" kind of time. Things have drastically changed in my life.  Most of all how I see myself.  I can actually look at myself in the mirror and not pull some sort of look of disgust or disdain. This is a HUGE milestone for me.

Having clothes that are now too big for you to wear may not seem like a problem.  But for me it is in other ways.  I'm SO HAPPY that they are now too big for me.  And I am actually excited to go shopping again. I am glad that I have reached this milestone.  And I am glad that it is a steady journey. "He that is slow and steady, wins the race."

Chickpea, Avocado, and Feta Quinoa Salad

I made this salad today for lunch.  It. Was. A-MAZING!!!  So, I thought I would share the love!  Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving this week!


Chickpea, Avocado, and Feta Quinoa Salad
Serves approximately 4-5 

1 Large Avocado, diced
1 Can Chickpeas, drained and rinsed
2 T Fresh Cilanto, chopped
1/2 C Feta, or so (I LOVE Feta)
1/2 C Cooked Quinoa
2 Scallions (green onions), chopped
Juice of 1 lime (I did half because my limes where BIG)
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and stir until well incorporated.  Add it to your favorite bread, or use it as a dip for crackers. (We put ours on whole wheat 8 inch tortillas.) Enjoy!!

Conversion

 Disclaimer: This is not church doctrine.

This morning I was reading my scriptures for my personal scripture study.  I was reading in 2 Nephi chapter 9. It talks about the judgement of the last day and how the Atonement of Christ will save us from the grave. I was reading along and I got to verse 33.

"Wo unto the uncircumcised of heart, for a knowledge of their iniquities shall smite them at the last day."

 I continued to read for about 2 more versus when I suddenly stopped and asked Spencer, "What does 'uncircumcised of heart' mean?"  As a "habit", I tend to just read past the word "circumcision". Today, something stopped me and I found myself pondering on what it meant to be "uncircumcised of heart'. Spencer didn't really have an answer so, he grabbed his phone and started doing some research as I started with some cross referencing. We talked about it a bit and we came to the understanding that it meant that you are not completely converted, not only on the surface, but in your heart. To be circumcised in your heart is making that change and devoting your heart to the teachings of Christ and purely living His gospel. A PURE conversion. I decided to end my studies for the day there so that I could ponder on this through out the day. I likened it to this journey.

I have come to the understanding that the reason why all my other "diets" failed was not only because it wasn't the right way to eat, but because I wasn't completely converted to the diet.  Weighing and measuring food, HATED IT! Having a set number of "points" I had to eat in a day, HATED IT! Cutting out the fruits and grains, HECK NO! I never felt in my heart that it was the right path for me. I did have some success, but when I stopped, or reached my goal I wound up back where I started, sometimes further in the hole. With this journey I feel and know in my heart that it is the right thing to do.  I guess you can say that I am "circumcised of heart". I kind of think of it as "You can't teach an old dog new tricks".

Bare with me.

Thanksgiving is coming up in about a week.  This is the smorgasbord that everyone looks forward to, and dreads, all year long. People start preparing food for Thanksgiving a day, sometimes two days, maybe even a week in advance. Why is this? Growing up, we would have a HUGE extended family Thanksgiving reunion dinner every other year. This meal often consisted of approximately 4 turkeys, 20 pies, 5 pans of stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, veggie trays with my grandma's pickles (you haven't had pickles till you've had my grandma's pickles), dip for the veggies, rolls, cranberry sauce, green salad, jello salad, deviled eggs, jam for the rolls, candied yams, green beans, green bean casserole, and I'm sure I'm leaving something out. My grandma, aunts, and mom would work for DAYS preparing for this feast and all day Thanksgiving day. It was SO BIG that we had to hold it at a ward building in the gym. While the women were in the kitchen, the men would be at my aunt and uncles house across the street watching the "big game", or in the gym playing Dynamite/ basketball and the kids would be running a muck. We would then gather and eat for about 15 minutes that would then be followed by these same amazing and exhausted women who had been cooking for a week cleaning up for about an hour or so while the rest of us fell asleep or played more basketball until it was time for pie. As I have gotten older and have established a family of my own, I have realized even more how amazing these women in my life truly are. I seriously don't know how they did it and I admire their strength.

We were driving somewhere when Avary, my middle child, asked if we were going to have rolls this year for Thanksgiving dinner.  This propelled me into thinking about the menu for this next week and what we are going to eat and how we are going to handle it since we don't eat that much anymore. For starters, I was late ordering our turkey and got stuck with a larger turkey than what I wanted. Oye. Leftovers are eminent.  Next, I started to think of the side dishes that we would have with it.  We would have, what is starting to become a tradition in my family, wild rice stuffing.  Seriously yummy. Then the apple cranberry butternut squash casserole that has become a favorite.  Now something cold and crisp, a pomegranate spinach salad perhaps? Sounds good to me.  My mom then asks, "Are we going to have potatoes and gravy?" This is where the "old dog, new tricks" thing comes into play.  As I was talking it over with Spencer, we both agreed that we don't need that much food and that the both of us would rather NOT cook all week and would rather spend the time together as a family. I told my mom that we don't need potatoes and gravy.  We are going to have the squash and that there really isn't a point to having potatoes too when we don't eat that much food anyway. She replied, "But that was how I was raised, and that was how you were raised." Just because you are raised to eat a certain way, doesn't mean that it is right. The common, "You aren't leaving this table until you have finished all your food" has catapulted our society into this unhealthy over eating binge. This doesn't change with the holidays.  In fact, it is worse! How many people have to unbutton their pants because they ate too much, or wear sweat pants so that they CAN eat too much?

To make the healthy changes in your life you need to be COMPLETELY converted to those changes or it won't work, the "knowledge of their iniquities shall smite them". You will be smitten down if you don't stay strong in what you know is right. Don't be that "old dog" that has become such a cliche. Change is good!  It is how we grow. Convert yourself to those healthy changes by FOLLOWING the "rules". As you continue to follow the rules you will be completely converted to the ways. Only then will you be "circumcised of heart" in your own personal journey. And, no, I don't think we will have rolls this year.  Think about it, stuffing is made of bread, WHY have more bread? So, it is rolls or stuffing.  I vote stuffing.

Sickness

It's always hard being sick.  You don't feel good, you don't have any energy to do anything, and NOTHING sounds good.  It's even harder being sick and trying to live your life in the healthy lifestyle that you have pledged to live.

If you haven't guessed, I am sick.  I hate being sick.  I have been sick for 5 days now.  But something that I have noticed this time around is that my appetite has increased instead of decreased.  I'm hungry more often than I used to be before I got sick, but I am still in the rut of nothing sounds good. My belief for this phenomenon is that my body is trying to heal itself through more nutrients than I need to sustain me when I am not sick.

This last week I lost a little over 1 pound.  I welcome that 1 pound with open arms, a home cooked meal, and a nice warm bed to sleep in. I've been literally camped out on the couch for 5 days with ZERO energy and not wanting to cook anything.  Thank heavens for my awesome and wonderfully caring husband who will cook anything I tell him.  I become the recipe that is glued to the couch as I tell him one thing to do, he goes into the kitchen and does it, and then comes into the family room to ask me what to do next. Bless his devoted heart.

There is no reason to "deprive" your body of what it is needing.  There is a difference between NEED and WANT. Before this journey, when I would get sick, I would "puppy dog eye" my husband for Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby ice cream or take out because that was what I wanted. That was what sounded good. And being the loving and caring husband he is, he would go out and get me what I wanted and come home and fix the rest of the family dinner. Even if it was cereal. It wasn't what I NEEDED, but what I WANTED. Friday, the ONLY thing that sounded good was Olive Garden's Chicken and Gnocchi soup. Pardon me while I go a little off topic here, I have a suspicion that they don't use real chicken in that soup.  Look at it.  It is unusually pink and doesn't have the texture that chicken should have. BUT, the broth is incredibly flavorful and hit the spot right on the nosie! OK, back on topic. He went and picked it up and it tasted GREAT. (Although, now I prefer to pick the "chicken" out.) ESPECIALLY with the salad. I don't think the salad has ever tasted that good to me. In fact, I had two helpings. Right now, my body NEED's the extra nutrition. So, I will have to have snacks that I normally don't have because I'm not hungry. I have no doubt that this will be a "stall" in my progress (not because of the snacks, but because of the extra eating), but you gotta do what you gotta do. And right now, I gotta get better. Then it will be full steam ahead with less food again. 

Indulgence

Well, I DID IT!! I am officially 1/3 of the way into my journey.  I am beyond ecstatic! I feel amazing!  My mind is more clear and the blessings that I have noticed, not only in myself but my family, are beyond amazing and nothing short of a miracle. 

This last week was Halloween.  Yes, the kids did go trick or treating and we handed out toys instead of candy. When we got home, they went through their bags and got all the toys out and then gave me the candy.  Not once did they ask for a piece. I am so proud of them.  

This journey, like any other journey you go on, doesn't have to be void of "indulgences". Let's think about this. You are on a hike in the middle of summer on a VERY hot day. You're tired and exhausted. Heat is just radiating off of the rocks on the trail and your feet feel like they are on fire. It's making you even more hot and tired and you start to wonder why you decided to go for a hike on THAT day. You turn a corner and you see a beautiful waterfall. Your salvation. You can feel some of the mist on your face and OH, how good it feels. You get this urge to jump into the pool just so that you can remember what it is like to be cool again. You put your hiking pack down and take off your shoes. Already feeling better, you wade into the pool at the base of the falls and you let the spray mist your whole body, maybe even getting your hair wet. You smile, maybe even laugh, as the cold water washes away the sweat and heat of the day and runs down your back. You can almost hear angels sing. Trying to catch your breath as the frigid water soaks your body, you start to feel refreshed and ready for the rest of the journey ahead of you. This is an indulgence. My journey has not been void of indulgences. I welcome indulgences. It is the KIND of indulgences you need to watch out for.  On this hot day of hiking, you wouldn't pour your water over your head, thus wasting your water for the rest of the journey. That would set you back and you WOULD regret it.

A couple of weeks ago I had a brunch at my house.  I made all the food and it was delicious.  I made a vegetable quiche with a hash brown crust, fruit and yogurt with granola, and these AMAZING chocolate coconut muffins.  These muffins were amazing and I didn't feel guilty eating them at all.  Why? Because they were made with oats instead of flour, no oil, and no sugar.  They were quite possibly the BEST chocolate muffins I have ever eaten.

I'm starting to become more comfortable in finding AND using healthier alternatives in my baking. Doing this allows those indulgences in my families lives.  The kids don't feel deprived. I don't feel deprived, even though I really don't crave that kind of stuff anymore. Except those muffins, YUM! It gets me excited for the holidays coming up.  We have our family food traditions and they, like everyone else out there, are centered around sugar. This year will be different. I am excited this year to make hot chocolate WITHOUT sugar! I'm excited to try whole wheat flour for our traditional Cardamom Bread and substituting the sugar in that. I'm excited to give friends treats that are healthy AND delicious and not bad.  Seriously, how many of us dread the the holidays because of the treats?? It's like a swear word, "holidays".  Kinda funny actually, but by the end of December, I AM DONE with all the sweets.

Don't deprive yourself of the "indulgences" in your life.  You deserve it.  We ALL deserve it. But, if you are going to indulge, choose the wiser "dip in the NATURAL waterfall" instead of the "water bottle water fall".  I promise, you WON'T regret it. I haven't yet. 

Progress

Well, this last week I ate more whole grains and watched my portions more.  I ate until I was no longer hungry instead of slightly full.  My results?  3.2 POUNDS LOST!!!  And it feels GREAT!!!

It's amazing how just simply changing how much you eat can affect your health. Not in a bad way, but a GOOD way.  Not only does changing how much you eat affect it, but changing WHAT you eat affects it. The generation of "You better finish everything on your plate or else." is OVER! I was told that when I was younger and I've been telling my children that.  Since changing our ways, I am starting to fall out of the habit of telling them to finish everything on their plate.  Instead, I tell them to take a small portion first and if they are still legitimately hungry, then they can take another small helping. It feels good to break the cycle!

I am .4 (yes, POINT 4) pounds away from being 1/3 of the way through my journey! I'm feeling great, and I can actually look myself in the mirror now.  I used to not be able to look at myself.  I went to great lengths to avoid the mirror.  And every time I would catch a glimpse of myself, I would get that "pain" of loathing down deep inside my gut. Not anymore. For the first time in my life, I am starting to like what I see in the mirror!  I'm excited to see where the rest of my journey takes me.

P.S. It occurred to me that I never posted my daughters birthday cake. If I have, then I can't find it and here it is again. 

This was a pumpkin cake made with whole wheat flour instead of all purpose, walnut oil instead of canola, and sucanat instead of sugar.  I used VERY little cream cheese icing to make it stick together, I would say about 1/2 cup total for all 3 layers used, and then I "drizzled" melted semi-sweet chocolate chips over the top.  It was pretty good.  I didn't have much because with the icing and semi-sweet chocolate it was a little on the "too sweet" side, but she LOVED it!  And that is all that matters. 

Changes

So, it was another small loss week, but at least I am losing!  As a follow up from my last post, I exercised everyday last week and yes, I have been flossing every night.  ;)

Today I wanted to "boost my spirits" by listing all the changes I have been noticing in myself, and changes that other people have mentioned.

These are some things that other people have mentioned to me:

• My face looks slimmer
• I have a "glow" about me
• My legs are slimmer
• I'm happier
• My tummy is flatter

These are things that I have noticed in myself:

• My pants are looser, in the waist and legs
• The bottoms of my feet are softer, they aren't peeling, cracked, or rough
• My shirts are getting too big
• I can wear size large shirts, an they are comfortable
• The shoes I wore when I started to exercise at the beginning of this and gave me blisters, aren't as tight and they don't give me blisters anymore.
• My bras fit better
• I can fasten my bra with ease, ESPECIALLY my exercise bra
• My hair is shinier and softer
• My fake wedding ring is getting a little big on my finger
• I can ALMOST wear my wedding ring (I haven't been able to wear it for at least 5 years)
• I can tie my shoes without struggling to breathe
• I can curl up in a ball in the chair in our family room
• It's easier to get off the couch or out of the chair
• Reed can sit on my lap
• I HAVE a lap!
• When I bend over I don't feel the "shift" in my "spare tire"
• My knees don't hurt when I go up the stairs or squat and stand again
• I can bend easily without my "spare tire" getting in the way
• I can kneel and say my prayers without it hurting my knees when I get back up
• I don't need to hold onto the railing when I go up the stairs
• I can carry Reed up the stairs easily without it hurting my back or knees
• I can carry Reed easily on my hip
• My back doesn't hurt like it used to
• I sleep more sound
• My pajama bottoms that were getting a little tight aren't tight.  In fact they are a comfy loose now.
• The floor in our house doesn't shake as bad when I walk
• I can "sneak" up the stairs
• When I walk in the kitchen, I don't hear my hanging pots and pans "clink"
• I have to tie my exercise pants, or they start to slide off
• I AM happier
• I feel like I can keep up with Reed better
• I DON'T CRAVE SWEETS ie: ice cream, candy, cake, cookies, chocolate
• I don't have to worry about weight limits anymore
• When I look down at my feet, all I see are my feet.  I don't see my stomach.

These are just what I can think of for right now.  Each and every one of these "changes" is a huge milestone for me. And the fact that I can carry my almost 40 pound son up and down the stairs without it hurting any part of my body, well, it just makes this journey even MORE worth while. 

Hypocrisy

I hate hypocrisy. HATE it! It is essentially telling people, or yourself, that you are too good to follow rules and standards. And yet, I am guilty of it. We ALL are. I tell my kids that they need to floss their teeth everyday because it is good for their teeth. If they don't then their teeth will fall out.  But yet, I don't floss my teeth on a regular basis. I tell my girls that they need to exercise everyday to stay healthy and be strong. And yet, I haven't been exercising everyday like I used too.

Yesterday was my weigh in day.  I did lose, but for the last couple weeks I have lost under a pound each, totaling 1 pound in 2 weeks.  For some reason I was kinda down in the dumps yesterday about it. I asked my husband if he still thought I was "successful" in my weight loss. He of course replied with a firm, "YES."

So, here is my dilemma, why have I slowed down in my weight loss and WHY am I so bummed??? I KNEW I would eventually hit a plateau, but I didn't think it would be this soon. I figured it would be closer to my goal weight seeing how I am almost 100 pounds over weight. I figured I would plateau around the loss of 50 or so. I was prepared for that. My "dilemma" isn't so much a dilemma as it is an awakening. An awakening in how LAZY I have become on this journey! I haven't been eating whole grains like I used too. I can't remember the last time I made something with quinoa or wheat berries. I have actually been eating more meat. I still have kept my meat eating to once a day, but I eat it more often. As before when I started this journey, we were only eating meat once a WEEK at the very most! I haven't been paying TOO close attention to my body signals. I haven't been eating till I was stuffed, but I haven't stopped when I was no longer hungry. And, I haven't been exercising. I'm thinking the reason why I was so bummed yesterday was because I came to the realization that I was the kind of person I hate, a hypocrite. (Shameful bow of the head. Hand to forehead)

This is my plan, I'm going to exercise EVERY DAY this week.  I'm going to start listening harder to my body signals and stop when I am NO LONGER HUNGRY.  I'm going to eat more whole grains and less meat. And, I'm going to floss my teeth. ;)

After my husband replied a firm, "YES" to my question last night, he then suggested that I read my "Setbacks" post. This man is brilliant. Oh how I love him. So, I read my "Setbacks" post this morning and I had forgotten just about everything in that post. I admit that I get a little sad and hurt when I hear that people haven't read my blog. But, how can I expect them to read my blog when I don't read my blog. Sure, I write it, but do I actually take the time and energy to read it and remember the things that I wrote???  I read a scripture for our Family Home Evening last night in Joshua 1:8,  

"This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therin day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therin: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success."

The purpose was to help my girls understand that just "reading" the scriptures isn't OK, that we need to ponder on what we read and remember what we read through out the day.  As the night went on, I needed to take this lesson a different route. I need to read and ponder on the things that I write on this blog. I am not helping myself by not doing this. After all, this IS my journey and I need to take the lessons I learn on this journey and apply it to my everyday life instead of brushing them off to the side because I already "blogged" about them. If I do this, I will have "good success". No more hypocrisy. What is the point of learning lessons when we don't REMEMBER the lessons we learned? 

Spiced Mango Muffins

Pinterest is a wonderfully bad thing.  I get a TON of recipes from it.  Last year, I found a recipe for Spiced Mango Muffins that we ALL fell in LOVE with. Primarily because they have cardamom in them. (We LOVE cardamom!) Just this past Sunday, I thought I would try making these muffins again with some alterations to make them more healthy.  They turned out pretty awesome so, I thought I would spread the love.

Spiced Mango Muffins

1 1/2 cup diced fresh mango, about 1 large mango
2 cups fresh ground whole wheat flour (instead of all-purpose)
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon sea salt (instead of regular table, it has more minerals and less processing)
2 heaping teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 - 1 heaping teaspoon ground cardamom (we like it stronger)
1/2 leveled teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 cup sucanat (instead of sugar)
1/2 cup mashed overripe banana (instead of sugar)
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup coconut milk or regular milk (I used regular, but as I was typing this out I had the idea of using coconut milk.)
1/4 cup walnut oil (instead of canola)

Directions

1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. (375 if you have a dark or non-stick pan)
2. In a large mixing bowl, combine flour, baking powder, salt, sucanat, and spices.
3. In a separate bowl, beat the egg with fork or whisk, and then stir in the milk, vanilla and oil.
4. Make a “well” in the flour mixture and then pour all of the liquid mixture in.
5. Mix the dry and liquid ingredients until just moistened. (batter will be somewhat lumpy).
6. Fold in the fresh mango.
7. Divide the batter into prepared (with spray) muffin cups or a muffin tin.
8. Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until golden brown.

Enjoy!! We sure did.  :)

Exercise

When I started this journey I was going out every morning and doing some form of exercise: walking or riding my bike.  But lately I have REALLY slacked on my exercise! When I went to Salt Lake a couple weeks ago for a doTERRA convention, I walked ALL OVER downtown. I walked to eat, shop, sleep, pee. I swear I walked about 10+ miles in the course of 5 days. When I came home, I had a wedding cake to do so, I was home bound for a week doing that and catching up on sleep. Although I did in fact lose weight this last week, it was another one of "those" weeks where I wasn't "feeling good" and we ate out at least 3 times. Don't get me wrong, I am THRILLED with the fact that I DID lose weight, especially since we did eat out so much.  I just know that I could have done better. And knowing that leads me to start analyzing what I could have done better, besides not eating out. ;)

It has been a long time since I went for a morning walk. Today, I woke up refreshed and ready and went for a walk. And it felt good! I took the dog and, therefore, had to cut the walk short because she started to limp on her surgery leg, but we did manage to go about a mile. I know that exercise is SUPER important. I know that it is something I need to do.  It has always been that one habit that I can't seem to stick with!

Now that the weather is changing, I am left with debilitating thoughts.  Debilitating in the way that my thoughts speak louder than they should and typically, in the past, have won! "It's too cold outside to go for a walk." "It's still too dark." "I would rather stay in my bed all warm and snug."  The thing that I need to remember is perfectly stated in this quote:

How true this is.  There will always be an opportunity for me to exercise, just like there will ALWAYS be an excuse to not. I just need to get my lazy butt out of bed and get it done. Maybe this should be my new mantra for the mornings?

I need to start being that example to my kids again. Now that the craziness is done, with convention and wedding cakes, and birthdays, I can start getting myself back on track making the healthy decisions that I pray I make everyday. And exercising is one of those healthy decisions I need to make, along with continuing to eat healthy and natural. 
 

Mediterranean Potato Salad

It has been a while since I posted a recipe. I thought today would be a great day to do that. This was a potato salad I made about a month or so ago. We found this Mediterranean Olive and Roasted Tomato Tapenade at Costco that we really quite love. I have put it with fresh Alaskan Halibut baked in the oven, on bruschetta with baba gannouj and feta cheese, this stuff is AMAZING! I have to drain quite a bit of the oil off, but it is still super yummy.

Mediterranean Potato Salad

About 4 red potatoes, diced in bite sized pieces
1 15 oz can chickpeas, drained AND rinsed
1/4 C feta cheese
1/4+ C Mediterranean Olive and Roasted Tomato Tapenade, with some oil drained off

(If you can't find the mix at Costco, you can make your own: These measurements are approximate and I would encourage you to go by your own tastes.

6-8 Roma tomatoes, seeded
2 red bell peppers, cleaned and seeded
1 can artichoke hearts, drained and chopped coarse
1 small can diced black olives
1 small bottle capers, drained and rinsed
3 cloves garlic, peeled
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1 T fresh basil, shred
1/8 tsp crushed red pepper
salt, to taste
juice of 1/2 lemon
olive oil, quite a bit (I would say about 1/2 C)

Toss tomatoes, bell peppers, and garlic in a little olive oil and roast in 400 degree oven until tomatoes and peppers are soft, about 15-20 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool.  Chop coarse. Add to a bowl with remaining ingredients.  Add olive oil and stir together. If it looks dry, add more olive oil. Season to taste. Refrigerate up to a week.)

Boil the diced potatoes until tender when stuck with a fork. Drain. Add remaining ingredients and stir together. Can be served warm or cold. Enjoy!

I actually served this with grilled Naan (also at Costco) and grilled zucchini and summer squash.

It was GOOOOOOOD!!!!

Problems as a Pastry Chef

As you all know, we have SIGNIFICANTLY reduced the amount of refined sugar we eat in our house. We rely on the natural sugars of fruits and raw honey to sweeten anything that needs to be sweetened. Grapes have frequently been too sweet for me to eat lately. I can only eat about 3 MAXIMUM so, imagine how it must be test tasting the pastries that I am hired to do.

This last week I had a wedding I was hired to do in Estes Park. Imagine my concern when I realized that I haven't eaten refined sugar in 3 months and that I will be up to my elbows in it while baking these cakes. Good news here is that I was able to get rid of a LOT of refined sugar and white flour that was in our house. Bad news is, I have to taste test to make sure I have enough flavoring in the cakes and icings. The reason this is bad news is because, SUGAR IS TOO SWEET!

The flavor of cakes I was hired to make were: yellow cake with chocolate buttercream icing, pumpkin cake with cream cheese icing, and chocolate cake with peanut butter buttercream icing. I took a small piece (about the size of a half stick of gum) of cake top, that I had cut off to level out the cakes, and tasted it with the cream cheese buttercream. I couldn't even swallow, I had to spit it out. Of course my girls had to try after they saw my reaction. They didn't mind it, but I don't really think they notice the difference like I do. After that, all I could taste was sugar. Not even the chocolate buttercream tasted like chocolate, even though I used bittersweet chocolate. I didn't trust the taste buds of my children and since we are ALL eating the same things, I didn't really trust the pallets of my mom and husband either. 

My prayers were truly answered and my burdens lightened this weekend when my brother, Regan, come and spent a few hours with us on Saturday. He immediately became my designated taste tester.  I don't think he minded at all! Especially when I had him taste the chocolate buttercream.  ;)

I am continually amazed at how much sugar I used to eat. Even when I wasn't really thinking I was eating a lot of sugar. And I am completely floored at how sweet sugar actually is. So much so that it sends shivers up my spine to even taste test it. The last time I made a cake before this last week, I was able to taste test just fine. I was able to keep those scraps in my home and have my family eat them. They would be our "snacks" in the middle of the day or desserts after dinner. I couldn't bring myself to keep them around this time.

The cake turned out beautiful. I am ALWAYS grateful to be hired to do cakes. I LOVE baking and decorating cakes. It really is my passion. The cake turned out beautiful.

I hope the bride and groom enjoyed their cake and I hope the guests enjoyed theirs. Even though it was too sweet for me.  ;)

Wiser Choices

This last week I went to Salt Lake City for an essential oils convention.  I was gone for about 5 days.  This meant that I had 5 days to eat out.  Eating out isn't an easy thing when you are trying to eat more healthy.  We all know this.  We have all experienced it. I was DETERMINED to continue to eat healthy.  In fact, I was actually more worried about my family keeping the way of eating than me. I was assured that they ate good and I am grateful for that.

I left for the airport on Wednesday around lunch time.  I didn't eat before I left so I needed to pick something up at the airport.  The food choices at the airport are NOT the best.  BUT, there are a VERY small handful of places that I could go.  I decided to go to Woody Creek Bakery because I knew that they would have a whole grain bread option or even a salad that I could get.  I admit that a ham, or turkey club sandwich often sounds good.  But in my mind, I need to consider the rest of the day, "What did I have for breakfast? What am I going to have for dinner?" If there is a possibility that I might have meat for dinner, then I shy away from things that contain meat (Rule #5). I opted to get the veggie sandwich on whole grain bread.  It was GOOD!!! I ate about 2/3 of the sandwich and then I was done. I even threw away the cookie they gave me. :)

The rest of the week went like this:

Wednesday Dinner:

• A half  of a Roasted Vegetable Salad at California Pizza Kitchen with a mushroom flat bread (The flat bread only because it was free, but I couldn't eat it all.)

Thursday Breakfast:

• Peach and Mango smoothie, with almond milk instead of OJ from The Blue Lemon.

Thursday Lunch:

• Was provided so it was Subway with a Cesar salad.  The sandwich I picked was on wheat bread and I couldn't eat it all.

Thursday Dinner:

• I had the awesome opportunity to have dinner with one of my dear cousins. We went to a bar and grill called RedRock. I HAD to order the mozzarella sticks, but I only ordered 3. (Mozzarella sticks are a SUPER Achilles heal for me.) My cousin ate one while I savored the other 2.  :)  For dinner I ordered a Caprese sandwich with sweet potato waffle fries. How can you pass up waffle fries???!!! (I could only eat half my sandwich and I only ate about 8 fries.)

Friday Breakfast:

• Blueberry and Strawberry smoothie with almond milk instead of apple juice from Nordstroms eBar. (This was actually my favorite smoothie.)

Friday Lunch:

• Bruschetta with herbed bean paste, sauteed spinach, and diced tomatoes with a side house salad from Caffe' Molise. (I couldn't eat all the bruschetta and yes, "Caffe'" had 2 F's in it.)

Friday Dinner:

• Black Bean Ravioli with fresh spinach in a bell pepper and tomato sauce from The Blue Lemon. (The Blue Lemon QUICKLY became my favorite restaurant.)

Saturday Breakfast:

• Three of us ordered different things and shared so, I had a 1/3 of a veggie omelet, one berry crepe with orange cream, and one lemon blueberry pancake with buttermilk dressing from The Blue Lemon. (I couldn't finish the pancake)

Saturday Lunch:

• Raspberry Chicken Salad with a side order of Sweet Potato fries from the Blue Lemon. (I only ate about 10 fries, and they were normal skinny fries.)

Saturday Dinner:

• Vegetable Lasagna from The Garden Restaurant (I could only eat about 2/3 of this dish, but it was really good.)

Sunday Breakfast:

• Scrambled eggs with salsa and cheese, honeydew, cantaloupe, watermelon, and a tiny bit of oatmeal from JB's Restaurant in our Hotel. (It was a breakfast buffet.  I was SO happy to see melon.)

Notice I didn't have any desserts.  I was asked several times if I wanted a bite, but I graciously, but firmly said "No". And with every meal I had water to drink.  There are healthy options out there.  We just need to be aware of the choices and ASK to have things changed if it isn't what you want.  We can say, "Dressing on the side." or "No cheese.", but remember you can also say, "I want almond milk instead of juice."

Because I made the choices I did, I was able to still lose weight while I was out of town.  How many times have you been able to say that? "I lost weight while I was out of town!"  For me, this was the first time.  I think it also helped that I was walking all over downtown, but I know that if I hadn't made those wiser choices, then I wouldn't have lost what I did.  EVEN WITH THE WALKING!

Camping and Nutrition

When I think of camping, the first thought that comes into my mind is fire and then s'mores. This last weekend we went on our very first real family camping trip.  This was the first time that the kids have ever camped in a tent, aside from sleeping in it this last July when we went to Utah and slept in the yard at my in-laws.  We left on Friday when it was snowing.  Aside from a VERY cold first night, it was fun to get away and create a new adventure with the kids.

I knew I wanted to stay on the healthy side of eating while we were camping.  We didn't take supplies for s'mores and we didn't take any candy, or processed foods. It has always bugged me when I have gone camping and people bring sugar loaded food for snacks and meals. Then they don't have any appetite or energy because they are "snacking" on their candy all day long! There are ways to satisfy that "vacation sweet tooth" without the sugar loaded foods.

I found recipes that would be easily adaptable to our new lifestyle. Believe it or not, but every recipe can be easily adapted. Everything we ate was made from fresh ingredients.

The first night, Friday, since it was freezing, I made a Vegetable Dumpling Soup on the camp stove, with some modifications.  I added garlic for one thing, but instead of using white flour for the roux and the dumplings, we used fresh ground whole wheat flour.  The soup was AMAZING!  And it totally hit the spot considering we were all bundled up in our warmest coats and clothes and still shivering.  We had a difficult time getting our fire started because everything was wet, but eventually we got it going and not too soon after just wanted to get to bed.

For breakfast Saturday morning I made Campfire Breakfast Burritos.  I scrambled some eggs on the stove and then I stuffed whole wheat tortillas with the eggs and some cheese.  I then wrapped them in double layers of tin foil and we put them on hot coals to get them toasty warm and melt the cheese.  When they were ready to eat, we topped them with all natural sour cream, salsa, and diced avocado.  They were my favorite meal!  SO GOOD!!  We served them with grapes on the side. It really was a "crowd pleaser".

Lunch was Campfire Mac & Cheese. This was the easiest Mac & Cheese I think I have ever made from scratch.  Of course I made some modifications.  First thing was using whole grain elbow macaroni.  I had precooked it here at home so that I could just dump it in the pan and cut out some prep time. Instead of individual pans, I used a disposable casserole tin pan and I added thawed frozen broccoli and fresh mushrooms to the mix.  I then covered it with two layers of tin foil and we cooked it on some hot coals.  It didn't take long and it was pretty yummy. The kids really enjoyed this meal, after all, they LOVE Mac & Cheese! Grapes were another yummy addition to this meal, on the side of course.  ;)

Dinner was, of course, foil dinners.  You can't go camping with out foil dinners.  I think it is in the "Camping Must Do's Handbook".  ;)  Instead of individual foil dinners I used another disposable casserole tin pan. I added sliced potatoes, carrots, garlic, and cabbage to the pan.  (I wanted to add onion, but I accidentally only brought one onion and I used it in the soup the night previous.) Instead of ground beef, I used an all natural Kielbasa.  We love Kielbasa.  I think I even mentioned that in a previous post.  It just bursts in your mouth with all those awesome flavorful juices. PLUS, it is cured and therefor you don't have to worry about raw meat juices running all over and making sure it is cooked. I covered it with two layers of foil and we sat it on more hot coals to cook.  I had brought some Poupon Mustard to have with it and it was DELICIOUS! But it needed onions.  ;)

The last meal of our camping trip was Oatmeal for Sunday breakfast. I cooked it on the camping stove in milk.  It scorched a little because of the stupid pan (too thin on the bottom. Next time I'll use the thicker pan.), but it wasn't terrible.  We had some pecans, cinnamon, and honey as toppings for the oatmeal along with fresh peaches. Everyone liked it, even with the slightly scorched taste.  The honey and cinnamon helped mask that.  :)

I would say that our efforts to maintain a healthy way of eating while camping was a success. The food was delicious and easy.  It kept us fueled for daily activities, our hunger fulfilled, and we didn't have to resort to prepackaged, over sugared, processed foods.  It wasn't hard at all to maintain the healthy lifestyle that we are following. I can't wait for our next trip! Next time, I might even throw in some healthy desserts.  :)    

Birthday Cake

We have a very busy week in September.  My birthday happens to be tomorrow.  My mom's birthday is 3 days later and then my daughter's is 4 days after that.  We affectionately call this week "Birthday Week". 

My daughter is VERY "excited" about desserts. She ALWAYS asks if she can have a dessert after dinner.  In fact, before starting eating healthier we would frequently have ice cream in the house. It started to get to the point that if we told her that she couldn't have dessert because she had it the night before, she would break down in tears. It was quite scary that she would have such a strong reaction about dessert. That hasn't happened since we started to eat healthier.  She seems more inclined to take "No" for an answer. 

Well, now that our birthdays are this week, she asked about birthday cakes.  To be completely honest, I have NO desire to have a birthday cake.  In fact, tomorrow is my birthday and we are going camping!  NO birthday cake on the menu!  I started to think about a birthday cake that I could make for my daughter.  I have had some strong personal objections to actually making the cake, considering it has a TON of sugar and white flour.  I just don't feel right making something for my kids that goes against what I am trying to teach them about health.  Not to mention, it just does NOT sound good! When she asked about birthday cakes, I told her that it would be OK for us to have cakes and cookies on more of a "special occasion" basis. Well, the special occasion is here and I can't go back on my word. So, yesterday I started to do some research about natural sweeteners.

I was introduced to a natural sweetener called sucanat by my chiropractor and his family.  I have made cakes for them that are made with whole wheat and healthier alternatives to your typical cake including sucanat.  Here are a couple of links to healthier alternatives to refined sugar:

TIME

Whole Foods

Fit Day

I've decided that I will make her a cake, but I won't be using sugar or white flour.  I desperately want my kids to choose health over habit or availability. And I think that this is the first step, to show them that you can still have what you love, but having it in a healthier way is better.

Sugar

I remember in culinary school, one of the chefs said that if you travel to another country and order dessert, it wouldn't be as sweet as it is here in the United States. He then said that, the United States has an incredibly over powering sweet tooth, that we are obsessed with sugar.  I would have to agree.  Think about all the foreign restaurants that we now have in the United States.  Hardly any of them have actual desserts from their place of origin.  They all have desserts that cater to the tastes of the American people so that they can survive the industry. 

 My husband said once, after he had gone to the store for me, that he had heard somewhere that if you want to eat healthy then you need to shop around the outside of the store, not the inner isles.  The inner isles are what holds all the processed, added sugar, GMO, MSG, etc etc kinds of foods.  He had noticed this because everything that I had sent him to the store to get were in the outer parts of the store. 

I saw this trailer this morning circulating through Facebook.  I can't WAIT to see this! 

So, Katie Curic has this "challenge" for America.  She challenges us to go "sugar free" for 10 days.  Here is the problem of going "sugar free".  Artificial sweeteners are just that, ARTIFICIAL.  They aren't natural. I can't stand the taste of artificial sweeteners.  I used to use Splenda before I had my middle child. Ever since I was pregnant with her, I haven't been able to stomach the taste of artificial sweeteners.  This was over 9 years ago. 

I want to go a step further with the "challenge" and say go ALL NATURAL for 10 days and see how different you feel. I PROMISE, you WILL notice a difference.  I never thought I could go without sugar, ESPECIALLY being a pastry chef.  But I have.  And I don't regret it one second.

Set Backs

Yay!!  I'm so excited I get to write my "Set Backs" post!  Today I weighed myself and I had gained a pound. (I'm not so concerned about my waist measurements because it is hard to remember where I measured the previous weeks.)

Every journey has bumps in the road.  What kind of adventure would it be if we didn't experience highs and lows?  Think of a roller coaster.  How fun would it be to wait in line all that time to only get in and stay flat the entire ride?  Not fun at all.  Kinda like the train ride at the zoo.....BORING!! We need to experience the highs and lows to appreciate the road that we are on. Not only the highs and lows, but the excitement, disappointment, and surprises.  Emotions are great things.  They truly give us the push or pull that we need and they let us know what we like and don't like. What could I possibly learn from this journey if I don't have bumps in my road, or hills that I need to climb?

This last week wasn't the greatest week, hence my 1 pound gain.  (I'm starting to think that the reason why I am not bothered by the fact that I gained a pound is due to my experiences with past diets.  I was "desensitized" from the disappointment.)  I'm actually NOT surprised that I gained weight this week.  Many factors contributed to this weeks gain.  I started the week by biking a 5K with my son in tow, which was GREAT! (This is not a contributing factor.) BUT, this week was that one "special" week in every woman's life. ;) Thursday I felt SO terrible that we ordered pizza, thin crust.  I've eaten pizza before and haven't gained weight so, why this week? I had desserts to make for a memorial I attended yesterday for my mentor from culinary school (I am a pastry chef.).  So, Saturday we got Chinese food because I was baking and busy all day Saturday.  I've eaten Chinese food before and haven't gained weight so, why this week? As I mentioned, I went to a memorial for my mentor from culinary school.  Take note, there were about 20 chefs there and about 10 of them contributed to the food.  There was a TON of food. A ton of GOOD food! I ate the stuff that was pretty good for me, veggies and whole grain bread, but I did have one salted caramel truffle about the base size of a nickel. (About put me in a sugar coma too.) So, why this week?

I've been thinking about it all morning.  I honestly believe that I started to take my weight loss for granted.  I started getting "cocky".  I also didn't pay attention to my body's "not hungry anymore" signals and I didn't exercise as much.  Well, I am humbled.  I can't take this journey for granted, thinking I can eat certain things and get away with it.  On occasion is OK, but not every day.  And not paying attention to my body's signals isn't OK.  I have felt bloated and crappy all week, but that isn't an excuse to fall back into the habit of eating things that aren't good for you. Not to mention that maybe, just maybe, another reason why I have felt bloated and crappy all week, besides the obvious, is because I didn't eat right.  I ate pizza  for two days and Chinese for 2 days.  The majority of my eating this week wasn't healthy and I saw the results of it this morning.

So, what am I going to do? I'm going to start paying attention to my body again.  Our bodies are remarkable vessels! They know EXACTLY WHAT we NEED AND how MUCH we NEED.  We just need to listen to it.  I NEED to listen to it. I need to remember that this new way of living isn't MY doing, it is doing what God WANTS me to do.  This wouldn't be happening without him and I need to give thanks for this tool he has given me.

Set backs aren't set backs.  They are an important part in any journey.  Something that we need to experience to get us back on track. They are opportunities for improvement. 

Masterpieces

Last night I watched a movie.  It didn't have great ratings, but I have learned to not pay attention to ratings and judge a movie by MY standards.  This movie was "Moms Night Out".  I LOVED it!  It starts off with a woman, a mother, who is trying to get up on Mother's Day to blog. (This is NOT the reason why I love this movie.) The movie then moves onto how motherhood is hard.  And let me tell you, it depicts it quite well in the first 10 minutes of the movie. No, the first 30 minutes of the movie.

Parenting IS hard.  Each person is unique in their own special way.  My oldest has an imagination that Disney himself would be impressed with.  My middle child has the gift of making friends with anyone and every one and our youngest is 3 years old and right now it seems that his "talent" is finding ways to get into trouble with EVERYTHING! I am holding out hope that this "talent" changes though.

Anyway, there was a point in the movie where she starts to feel like a huge failure and that she isn't happy in this life that she dreamed of because she doesn't feel like she gives her kids enough or that she is enough for her kids.  The "actor" (and I say "actor" because it is Trace Adkins the country singer) that plays opposite her in this scene proceeds to tell her that when he was younger he would stay up at night just so that his mom could come home from work and tuck him in.  She would say the exact same thing to him every night.  In a more condensed version, that God loves him no matter what. By the end of the movie, she is more relaxed and is able to see things in a different light.  She blogs, "I am His masterpiece."  This is why I LOVE this movie. I am a masterpiece.  And I am FINALLY starting to see myself this way. I want EVERYONE to know that YOU are a GLORIOUS masterpiece.  YOU are an important brush stroke on this canvas of life. Each one of us is a MASTERPIECE.

Not only is this journey allowing me to lose weight and become healthier, but it is also allowing me to see through the dense fog that was my depression.  The fog is starting to lift and I am starting to see a different person.  And it makes me happy. 

My Husband

Yesterday morning I woke up to my husband asking me if he looked like he had lost some weight. Twilight zone, right?! He has been noticing that his pants aren't fitting him like they used to.  I answered him with a, "Ya, maybe.".  I asked him to write a few things for the blog.  Honestly, I think I scared him by doing so because he needed a day to think about what he would say.  (Hahaha!) Love you honey!!  Here are some of his thoughts: 

"I have always been skinny,  When I was 16, I was 6'1" and 140 pounds. Almost 20 years later and I'm the same height, and just a little heavier.  The most I've weighed is about 175.  I have a hard time gaining any weight regardless of what I eat.  

I have been eating more healthily along with Sierra and the rest of the family, and it has been great. I’m not in this for the weight loss. I know this is the right way to eat. I’m doing it for the general health benefits and to support Sierra. But I’ve also lost about 10 pounds since we started. I have a tiny bit of belly fat that I’ve been losing, but what I really need to do is gain some muscle."

I Know.  I really want to hate him, but I love him too much.  ;) And believe me when I say that I have gone through EXHAUSTED efforts to put some fat on this man.  He eats a TON of food and then usually eats the rest of mine, but I have been the one to gain the weight. It really is quite frustrating. He exercises, but he isn't too consistent with it. He knows this.

"I ride my bike to work occasionally. There’s a pushups training program to get to 100 consecutive pushups that I was following for a while, but I tapered off at some point and never made it to 100. I think my best was around 40. I also installed a pullup bar in the garage, and I do pullups on it occasionally, but I’ve never been consistent with that, either. There’s also the 7-minute workout that I’ve done occasionally, but again I’ve never been consistent at it. I really like body weight exercises. Pushups and pullups work lots of muscle groups, and they don’t require a gym membership or any special equipment.

I really admire Sierra for the change she's made in her life.  She's inspiring! I’m amazed at her consistent weight loss progress - the chart in her spreadsheet shows a consistent loss of almost 2 pounds per week. I need to do the same thing with exercise, and make it a permanent part of my life. I’m just not sure how to do that and make it stick."

We are finding that we have a "problem" with consistency in our house. (Hahaha)  My husband is an amazing man.  He is extremely supportive of me and our children. He is the BEST! He works hard all day and then comes home and often takes over for me.  I love him more than words can say. He has done SO much for me, and now I think it is time for me to help him.  I need to be the supportive wife and help him be more consistent with his exercise so that he doesn't waste away, I mean, so that he can gain muscle. This isn't just MY journey anymore.
  

Quinoa Salad

Today is Labor Day.  Every year our ward does a Labor Day 5K in the morning and then they have a BBQ for lunch.  This year I decided to take a quinoa salad.  It really was quite tasty.  This is the recipe, with a couple tweaks.  ;)

Fiesta Quinoa Salad
2 cups water
1 cup quinoa
1 cup corn
8 cherry tomatoes, halved
1 avocado, peeled and cut
1 cup black beans (I used both black and dark red kidney beans)
1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped
1/4 purple onion, chopped (you can also use scallions/green onions)
Dressing
1/4 C Olive oil (I actually used a blend of chipotle infused olive oil and regular olive oil)
1-2 T Prickly Pear juice
2 limes, juiced (1/4 C total)
Salt and pepper, to taste
a touch of honey (I used honey because I actually had put too much salt in.  It was yummy though.)

Directions

• Rinse quinoa in a sieve. (This is very important or else your quinoa can taste bitter)
• In a medium sauce pot, combine water and quinoa.
• On high heat, bring water to a boil.
• Adjust the heat to low, cover and simmer 15 to 20 minutes, until the liquid is absorbed and quinoa is tender.
• Remove from the heat, fluff with a fork, and chill until cool.
• In a serving bowl, Place the cooled quinoa with the corn, tomatoes, beans, avocado and cilantro.
• Stir gently to combine.
• In a small bowl, stir together dressing ingredients.
• Serve dressing on the side or drizzle over top when ready to serve.

And here is a picture.  :)

Enjoy!!!

Doubt

For a couple days now, I have had this "feeling" that what I was eating wasn't what I was SUPPOSED to eat. (That's why I haven't posted.) Which is interesting, because I am eating the same food that I have been for the past 8 weeks.  Funny how, when you start a journey, the feeling or attitude about that journey is a "Lets go get 'em!" kind of attitude.  Then, soon after starting, you start getting these feelings of doubt or fear that it isn't working.  It is similar to how I was feeling when I was in the "learning" part of this journey, before I actually started.

All the information I have received from past diets is still ingrained in me.  Count the calories, measure my food, low/no fat. I HATE counting calories.  I HATE measuring/weighing my food. And I HATE the taste of low/no fat food. (Not to mention it is PACKED with things that are NOT good for you.) When I started  reading the WOW book, I had SO many questions come up. "How can I lose weight eating bread?  Bread is BAD!", "I have been eating all this food that it talks about, but I haven't lost weight. Why?", "I'm just not understanding how this is going to work."  Then my sister said, "You are over thinking it."  She was right, I was over thinking it. So, I stopped over thinking it and just started to buy the whole grains and not buying anymore of the sugar packed stuff.

Doubt can be used as an evil tool.  It is very powerful. For some reason, it has crept back into my thoughts.  I'm not happy about it, but I know WHY it has come. I know now, more than ever, that THIS is EXACTLY what I should be doing. Doubt usually rears its ugly head when you are doing the things that you are supposed to be doing, and the WAY you are supposed to be doing it. Trials are a part of this life.  My oldest daughter has this TERRIBLE skin condition on the bottoms of her feet that leave them cracked and, sometimes, bleeding.  I don't know what triggers it.  We haven't found a "cure all" for it.  This is her trial.  This is something that she needs to learn to control and take care of in times of flare up.  This journey is the rope I have thrown myself to get me out of the hole I have dug for myself.  I just need to keep the faith that the rope will stay in one piece.  Every whisper of doubt that I succumb to with fear and confusion will be the rats that eat away at my rope. I WILL fail if that happens....and I can NOT fail!

"Stop It"

This is something that is VERY important to me.  How would my life have been different if I had someone put their arm around me and listen, or something as simple as apologize? You have no idea how it feels until you are the one. The pain is suffocating. 

I would say about 95% of "teasing" toward me was not taken as "teasing".  It ALL hurt.  Imagine how we can save a soul or even a life if we just "Stop It". 

Motivation

Last night I came to the conclusion that I would skip my Monday morning walk. My exercise clothes where buried in the piles of laundry that were stacked in front of my dresser, as well as my girls exercise clothes. (I take my girls with me every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for morning walks. They didn't know my decision because they had already gone to bed.) I didn't want to have to dig through the clothes at 6 o'clock in the morning. I then had the thought that I could sleep in and be well rested for the school day ahead if I were to skip my walk.  My son had a different idea.

He walked into our room at 5:30 this morning and climbed into bed with me. He then continued to toss and turn, tap my ear, snuggle his face in mine, and tickle my nose with his hair. I didn't get to sleep in. I got up and when I came out of the bathroom, the bed was made with the laundry on the bed.  I started to sort the clothes as my youngest daughter came in to grab her exercise clothes. Ready and awake, excited to go for a walk. How could I NOT go for a walk today?! My children are my biggest motivators. I had made the decision the night before, but seeing their faces this morning made me feel like I would be letting them down if I didn't go for our morning walk. I didn't have the heart to tell them that we weren't going. I quickly got dressed and, even though we left a half hour later than normal therefore only going half our distance, we still went and it was GLORIOUS! A little on the cool side, but glorious! I LOVE my morning walks with my girls. It is our time to talk and spend time together that isn't school related. And I am SO proud of them for sticking with this new way of living.

Not Any More

There was a time that I used to CRAVE the things that aren't good.  I would crave a good ol' Snickers bar, a bag of M&M's, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, or a milk shake from my favorite shake makers (*sigh* Iceberg, how I miss thee).

Halloween is dawning upon us.  I realized this when I went to the store today and there it was, the aisle of everlasting toothache. Remembering back to last year, my mom and I would buy the good stuff for us to eat while we would hand out the not so good stuff to the trick-or-treaters. You know, the gum that loses it's flavor after about a minute and then turns to cold rubber in your mouth.  We probably would have already bought some to "snack" on this far out from Halloween. Then, after the kids came home from trick-or-treating, I would go through and throw away the stuff that my kids wouldn't eat, occasionally putting some of the good stuff aside for me, and my mom sitting there watching me and occasionally snatching some for her. (WOW! I was pathetic! Admitting this is SO embarrassing and FAR out of my comfort zone.)

I am proud to admit that I walked down that aisle today with NO twinge of desire. In fact, I had more of an overpowering urge of disgust and, quite possibly, a sympathetic onset of a tummy ache. I even caught myself wrinkling my nose and holding my breath as if it had a stench. Quite different from times past.

I have a decision to make this year. I'm not exactly sure what I am going to do with all the junk my kids come home with this year.  In the past, they have had 3 days of trick-or-treating: Spencer's work, our ward Trunk-or-Treat, and then going around our neighborhood.  They get about 3 buckets full of candy EACH from Spencer's work, 1 bucket full each from the ward, and about 1 1/2 buckets full from the neighborhood. (We don't let them go long because it is usually cold and they get tired FAST!)  I then sort through the candy and put aside the gross stuff to hand out at the door or throw away at the end of the night. (Come on! Who doesn't!?) One thing I DO know for sure, I will NOT eat any of the candy. There is just NO desire. Not any more. I am starting to see the same reaction in my girls. And, yes, it is VERY comforting.

Seeing the GOOD

A couple weeks ago I went to a retreat here in Denver for Essential Oils.  It was an awesome 24 hours. One thing they talked about was personality types. I had no idea what type I was! I felt like that this was something I needed to do.  This goes back to the question, "Who am I?"

It is interesting to me that people tend to guess what kind of personality type others/I am: white, circle, type 2, etc etc.  Then when I ask them what it means, the description I get is NOTHING like me. It has always intrigued me to find out what type I was, but I've never taken the time to sit down and figure it out.  AND WHERE can I figure it out? (I'm one of those, "Ask me questions and I will answer them." kind of people.)  I see people post how proud they are to be an "introvert" and I think to myself, "What IS an introvert?" Finding out what personality type I am, to me, is the first step to figuring out WHO I am.  So, I found this test online.  I liked it, it wasn't too long and the description I got seems pretty spot on.  This is what I got:

Extraverted Feeling personality types seek continuity through harmonious relationships and collective values. They excel at picking up on the tone of a situation and acting accordingly, adding warmth to a cool setting or turning sour into sweet.

Inclusiveness is important and they are particularly sensitive to those who are excluded.

Harmony comes from good, supportive relationships and upholding collective values. They are always focused on the other person, feeling a glow when those around them are happy, and troubled when something is amiss. They are natural cheerleaders, often expressing support, gratitude, and encouragement, and heaping praise onto those they appreciate. They take note of what is being done and what needs doing, offering their help and assistance wherever necessary.

They are loyal and they expect loyalty. They carry conversations well, finding common ground with their speaker. They tend to find the correct and gracious way to respond in any given situation, no matter how tense or uncomfortable it is. 

It is well to note that extraverted feeling types will uphold a wide range of values, simply because shared values are what create harmony. Some will profess the importance of tough-minded logic, justice and scholarly debate because their environments have these shared values. They tend to adopt the collective values of those they love and 'belong to'.

I've always dwelt on the negatives, "This type is the pushover.", "This type is bossy.", but it is refreshing to actually SEE the positives and recognize them in myself.  When I get asked what my best qualities are, I always look to my friends and family to answer.  I've never known my best qualities because, growing up, I never was told anything positive about me.  Somehow, I always felt like I was being prideful if I started to think of the good in me.  How does that happen??!!  Where a person can't see the good in themselves because of feeling like they don't deserve to see it, or that it is wrong to see it.

I told myself, that when I became a mother, I would tell my children everyday how much I love them and that I would tell them all the good I see in them and also let them know that I believe in them.  I didn't want them to turn out like me, with nothing but self doubt and zero self esteem. I LOVE my children.  So much so my heart aches from it being so full of love for them.  They are my world and my light.  They are each SO different, which is awesome because it keeps me on my toes. It is my responsibility to teach them to see the good in themselves and others. This way, when they are asked what their best quality is, they can say without hesitation and without having to look at others.  After all, the good in us IS what shapes our personalities.

Beauty Sleep

It has always been a saying delivered in a joking matter, "Leave me alone, I need my beauty sleep.", "Don't bug mommy, she needs her beauty sleep.", "Time for bed, I need my beauty sleep.".  But, have we actually paused to think and realize that, even though said in a sarcastic or joking tone, it is in fact TRUE?

Last night I was determined to go to bed by 9 PM because I was EXHAUSTED having been woken up at 5 AM by our 3 year old. I didn't go to bed at 9 like I had planned.  Instead I made it to bed a little after 10.  The difference an hour would have made became apparent to me as I woke up with him holding my arm at 1 AM this morning.  My husband quickly put him back in his bed, but I continued to wake up every half hour or so thinking that he had ventured into our room again, or that he was wondering the house.

In addition to eating more healthy and exercising, we also need to realize that without adequate sleep the previous two are pretty much moot. I know that kids make it difficult to get that "beauty sleep" that we, as parents, are really in desperate need of. The way we take care of ourselves plays a vital part in, not only our physical needs, but also our mental needs. When I don't get enough sleep, I am down right ornery. My husband can't even talk when he hasn't gotten enough sleep, it is actually quite comical. When people give their kids too much sugar, they quite literally bounce off the walls!

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I have been taught through scripture and leaders that I should retire to my bed early and arise early (D&C 88:124), and that I shouldn't run faster than I have strength (D&C 10:4).  Nutrition, regular exercise, and adequate sleep are vital in having a healthy body, mind, spirit, and life. The lesson I have learned from all this is that I should have gone to bed at 9 last night instead of staying up, barely keeping my eyes open, just to watch a movie I have seen a few times before.  If I had, I would have had 4 hours of blissful, uninterrupted sleep instead of 3 and I probably would be more awake than I am now. 

Pleasant Surprises

As I stepped on the scale this morning I was expecting a gain.  I even told my husband, "I'm expecting a gain." and then I laughed. He just smiled at me and watched my total bewilderment when I saw the numbers on the scale and walked over to where I write them down and saw that I LOST 2 pounds! I LOVE pleasant surprises! It happened again as I wrapped the tape measure around my belly for the forth time and asked him what the number said.  Needless to say, today has been a great day for this journey. I'm very happy with the results! I stayed pretty true to the new way of eating over the weekend even though we spent the day at Elich Gardens on Friday and had a smorgasbord of UNBELIEVABLE Filipino food my sister-in-law cooked for us. Can I just say, OH...MY..GOSH!!! It really was hard to stop eating it.

I was all set to post a "Setbacks" post today, but now I have to turn it all around.  Funny how, even though we are happy and life seems good, we tend to expect the negatives instead of hoping for the positive. Just like this morning before my walk, I weighed myself expecting a gain, but I lost.  Life is full of little negatives such as that.  They are minor, but play a significant part in how we look at things and how we think for the day.  The smallest little negative thought or saying can shape our day or our lives into something that we weren't destined to do or be.

Today is the first day of school for my girls. (We home school.) I wake them up at 6 to go for walks with me.  We walk for 2 miles and it takes us about 30-35 minutes. My oldest asked me this morning, "How can you walk so fast?".  I told her that, if you continue to think "How much longer?", "Why so fast?", "I wish I was done." then it will hold you back. I then replied, "My legs are tired too. I'm tired too, but I'm not thinking about those things. Think about things that keep your mind off of how tired you are and before you know it, we will be home." (Our son woke us up at 5 this morning.  Yes, I was tired.)  Keeping the focus positive will help you to enjoy those pleasant surprises more.  Then you aren't asking yourself, "How did that happen?!"

This was from our morning walk.  What a beautiful start to what I'm choosing to be a good day.  After all, I did get some pleasant surprises today.  ;)

Chickpea Salad Sandwiches

We had an AMAZING lunch today! I found this recipe for making a chickpea salad for sandwiches instead of chicken.  It was SO GOOD! Even my brother liked it!!  ;)  Anyway, I thought I would share the love since I DID mention I would put recipes on this blog.  This is the link to the recipe,

Vegetarian Chickpea Sandwich Filling

I didn't have any lemons so, I just added a touch of red wine vinegar.  I also added chopped up red radishes to the mix.  I think I am going to have to buy some canned chickpeas in bulk so that I can have this salad on hand. I think it has become a household favorite. ENJOY!

Planning

I LOVE to cook! Every time we have company from out of town, or friends over for dinner, I go to great lengths in making sure that they eat well. I want them to feel special, like kings and queens. So, this is what I do.  I sit down and PLAN.  I plan a menu. A full blown menu down to what we are going to drink, which is always water but you can never be too prepared. ;)  I usually don't plan a menu for just us because I go by a day to day inventory of what needs to be eaten. When people are here, I typically make things that I normally wouldn't unless it was a really special occasion.  And let's face it, having company over is a very special occasion in the Schumann home.

My brother and sister-in-law are coming tonight to surprise our kids.  They will be staying until Sunday and I have a menu.  My sister-in-law is from the Philippines. She is this tiny cute little Filipino that LOVES and MISSES her Filipino food.  I wanted to do something awesome for her so I have planned a Filipino feast. Not really a feast by her standards because I can't roast a whole pig in my backyard, but it is a feast by my standards.  This will be the "splurging" meal of the week. The other meals will continue to be the whole foods way of eating. This is my menu:

Thursday:

• Breakfast- Veggie breakfast burritos (cheese, eggs, avocados, sour cream, whole wheat tortillas, salsa, and tomatoes)
• Lunch- Garbanzo bean salad sandwiches. (I will post recipe later if it is any good.)
• Dinner- Cabbage and potatoes with Kielbasa (Oh, how I love to say that word.  "Kielbasaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh" and OH my is it tasty.)

Friday:

• Breakfast- Fresh fruit, yogurt, and homemade granola
• Lunch and dinner- We are going to go to Elich Gardens, the local theme and water park so we will be getting our own food.  BUT I plan on having a veggie wrap with fruit for one of my meals.

Saturday:

• Breakfast- Wheat berry cereal (I usually have this warmed with milk, honey, cinnamon, and then fresh fruit)
• Lunch- Garden salad with Mediterranean bruschetta
• Dinner- Filipino feast!  Lumpia (little spring rolls that I'm planning on attempting to bake instead of fry, wish me luck), Pancit (rice noodles with veggies), and Fried rice
• Dessert- Sago (Tapioca pearls cooked in coconut milk with mango puree)

Sunday:

• Breakfast- Crock pot oatmeal with peaches.

The point of this post is this, I'm not going to throw the rules out the window while people I love are eating in my home.  It is because I love them, that I will no longer do that. The benefits of eating, LIVING this way FAR out number the "convenience" of not.  Besides, what part of packing up your family and going to a fast food place only to wait in a long line of cars to just get your "food" and it being completely wrong AND cold is convenient? If you cook big batches of wheat berries and freeze them, NOTHING can be more convenient than pulling them out and putting them in the microwave for 1 minute, to take the chill off, and adding veggies and dressing.  NOTHING could be more healthy, filling, AND sustaining either.

Old Habits Die Hard

In the past, when I would have a bad day, I would turn to food.  A pint of ice cream (Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby was a MUST, until they changed their recipe) would often console me in times of despair.  Anything that would bring me an ounce of comfort would be my go to.  It is no wonder that I have struggled with my weight, being diagnosed with severe depression when I was in Jr High and, as mentioned earlier, dealing with constant berating from peers and family. Food was my drug of choice.  That's all I knew.  That's all I had to turn to. 

Yesterday was a bad, but eye opening day. I came home feeling defeated and went to the fridge to fix me something to eat, I hadn't had dinner yet. The family had eaten and I could have eaten the leftovers that my husband was going to take to work, but I didn't. I didn't want to fix anything because, like I said, I felt defeated.  I caught myself thinking, "Some ice cream would be so good right now.  Or nachos.  Or mozzarella sticks.".  There it was.  That NASTY, DIRTY, STUPID habit of turning to food to seek comfort. That little devil putting the thoughts in my head to make me stray from what I know to be right.  Instead, I didn't eat dinner.  I know that wasn't the BEST decision, but it was better than hopping in the car and going to the closest fast food joint that is also across the street from a grocery store in which lies Ben and Jerry. I also was able to talk it out along with a lot of tears.  I have to say that as I woke up this morning, I didn't regret my decision, as I often would when I would turn to Ben and Jerry. I was able to snuff that devil out of my head, by simply talking to someone.  It is AMAZING the power a willing ear can hold.  I hope to be that willing ear someday to someone.  I am indebted to the person who was willing to lend their ear.  You have helped me more than you can possibly know, thank you! 

Disclosure: I am not blaming family and peers for my weight issues.  The choices were mine and mine alone. 

Weigh Day

I weigh every Monday morning before I go walking.  I always have this fit of anxiety before I step on the scale.  I close my eyes and pray that I've lost something. "PLEASE let me have lost at least .5!" I've always done this when I weigh to check progress.  Of course, I feel more doubt than hope.  As I open my eyes, after what feels like an eternity standing there, the emotions of either success or failure come in a rush. Today, it was.....SUCCESS! I have, on an average, consistently lost 2 pounds a week by eating this way: more whole grains, legumes, veggies, fruits, and lentils.  I still get the fits of anxiety and I'm pretty sure I always will.  I know that as I gain muscle, there will be times that my weight will go up.  I know that weight fluctuates and that I will have water retention and bloating and that it will show on the scale. I know that I'm not perfect and that I will eat something that isn't accordance with this new lifestyle, but that is ALL OK! The important thing is, that I continue on this path of self discovery and health and not give up.  I won't give up!  I feel a difference, I SEE a difference.  Not only in myself, but my family too. Last night, I had to pick my mom up from the airport and it was during the time I would have made dinner.  I remembered that we had some popular brand boxes of rice and beans mixture in our pantry.  I told my husband that we could just eat those and so we did.  He had it ready when my mom and I got home.  It was salty and salty and salty.  Did I mention that it was salty? I could barely eat 1/4 cup of it. Last night, I had heart burn something AWFUL! I applied the essential oils I use for heart burn a couple times and I was able to sleep.  This morning, when I woke up, I was bloated and sluggish. I IMMEDIATELY blamed the rice and beans. My husband replied, "We haven't needed to worry about bad stuff in our food lately because it all comes from the ground."  He was is so right! I'm about 110% sure that the rice and beans mixture had MSG in it. Lesson learned. Now, what do I do with all the packaged processed foods we have?? I'm certain we will NOT be eating them again. As for my weigh day today, HOORAY FOR SUCCESS!! 

Vulnerability

This is such a change for me. In fact, this is NOTHING like me!  If you had said to me 2 months ago that I would be writing a blog about my weight loss journey, I would have laughed in your face.

Ever since I got my license, I have weighed "150" pounds. I've been living a lie most of my life. I have always been reserved and private about my weight, very "hush hush", which is completely ridiculous because you can't hide weight, it is out there for everyone to see.  I've always either closed my eyes or turned around at the doctor's office when they weighed me. I've never known how much I actually gained with each of my children, this is something that I didn't want to know.  And when the doctor would say, "Oh!  I see you have gained 11 pounds this last month!", it didn't help me feel better about myself, even though I was growing a human! I think not knowing what I weighed made it easier for me to be oblivious to the fact that I needed to lose the weight because I couldn't put a number on it. It's the proverbial, "If a man does the dishes and the woman doesn't see, did it actually happen?".  If I didn't know how much I weighed, then it wasn't real. I couldn't tell myself that I was "X" amount of pounds overweight. It was easier that way.

I am not doing this to be held accountable.  I am 35 years old and I would like to think that I can hold myself accountable for my actions.  I am putting myself out there! I am making myself vulnerable! Why?  Because I need to stop lying to myself and to everyone else and "face the music". I'm tired of being someone I'm not. This isn't just a journey to lose weight, it is a journey to find myself!  Who am I?! When was the last time you made yourself that vulnerable?