Small and Simple

Let me tell you a little story. Once upon a time there was this tree. The tree had strong beautiful roots that helped it to grow to be a strong beautiful tree. Now, beside this tree was a sidewalk. Over time this tree's beautiful roots became so big and strong that it started to push up through the sidewalk. This caused the sidewalk to lift a little. More time passed and the root of the tree continued to push upward through the sidewalk and eventually caused it to fracture or crack and become a hazard for those walking past the tree.

This is a representation of the choices I've made in my life to get me to the point of needing to change. I was obese, extremely so. I was unhappy, unhealthy, and my relationships with my family were straining because of the life choices I made to get me to this depressive state. I over ate. I chose to eat take out and fried foods. I drank soda. I ate because I was sad, stressed, depressed, angry, happy...I could go on and on, the list really is quite long.

Now, let me tell you another story. Once upon a time.....there was a faucet that was attached to an underground well in the middle of a dirt field. This faucet developed a small leak that would cause a slow, steady amount of water to drip onto the dry land below. After a little bit of time a little green leaf started to sprout out of the ground where the water would drip. A little time more and this leaf turned into a beautiful flower.  Over time, months maybe even years, this dirt field turned into a beautiful, green, flowering field.

This is a representation of the choices I am making now. Every drip of water has been something I have changed in me. Whether it be forgiving others of the pain they put me through or forgiving myself for causing even more pain. Choosing to eat more fruits and vegetables and not so much fried food. Stop eating when I'm no longer hungry and eating smaller portions....another list that could go on and on.

As of today, I have lost a total of 35 pounds since the end of January. I've had my struggles and I know I will continue to have struggles. It's been a slow road, but now I officially weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with our 4th child and I'm only 15 away from where I was when I got married.

Today, my flower bloomed. For the first time in many years, I was able to wear my wedding ring. This is HUGE for me. I have always refused to get it resized because I didn't want to give in to being over weight. I knew I could beat it and live a healthier lifestyle, and so I am! I am happier and healthier today than I have been in a long time. It was the small and simple choices, much like the drips of water, I made to get me to this point today.

It is the small and simple choices that effect our lives. Do we choose to be the tree that, through time, makes a crack in the sidewalk, or do we choose to be a leaky faucet that through time makes a beautiful meadow?? And these choices aren't limited to the way we eat. These small and simple things apply to how we treat others, the things we say, the way we choose to act or react to something...it involves EVERY decision we make. Even the decision to get out of bed in the morning or to smile at a stranger on the street. Imagine all the beautiful meadows that could exist if we only choose to make happier and healthier choices. After today, I am looking forward to my meadow. It will continue to be slow, but that's OK. I think I would prefer it to be slow rather than fast. I get to enjoy the journey more and it also teaches me patience and humility.

Best Effort

Well, we have reached the end of our 4 month no dairy trial. It had it's challenges, but overall went pretty well. I was surprised to find that I didn't really miss it. Yes, I occasionally missed the glass of milk with breakfast or after eating grapefruit. I didn't miss the cheese so much and it really helped me stay away from things that weren't good for me, such as desserts, fried foods, and cheesy things.

Despite my VERY best efforts, I found out today that some assumptions I had made concerning a certain Asian fast food eatery were wrong and that I have in fact NOT been 100% dairy-free as I had thought I was. To say I am disappointed is a SEVERE understatement. I feel like I have been punched in the gut, hit by a semi, and then kicked while I was down. I haven't eaten often there, perhaps 3 times, but still not 100%. As I was talking to my kids on the way home after finding out, my sweet 15 year old daughter said, "We gave it our best effort, mommy." And she is right. We gave it our best effort. Now it's time to move on.

Here is what I have decided to do now that the trial period is over. I am going to continue to remain mostly dairy-free. I own a cake decorating business and during these last 4 months have relied on others to taste test my cakes. As much as I have COMPLETELY appreciated all of their input and "sacrifices" to eat cake, I need to be able to judge my own product. I am going to continue to keep the household food dairy-free. If I go out to eat, I am not going to get things that are dairy based or have a lot of dairy in them. (So long Olive Garden Alfredo. I am going to miss you, but my midsection and thighs can't continue this destructive relationship.) I am also going to continue to keep my youngest 2 kids dairy free, or at least as much as possible! It has really helped my 3rd stay away from sugar he can't really handle and I want to try and teach my youngest the healthy habits I failed to teach my first 3 while they were young. (Younger is better! They don't complain or talk back!)

My oldest 2 are old enough to make their own choices and I hope they can take to heart the teachings that my husband and I are TRYING desperately to instill in them. They need to be able to make their own choices and learn from them. I just hope they can start listening to their inner voices since my outer voice won't be there.

I've learned a lot about myself and my family through these last 4 months. I am so proud of everybody for giving it their best effort. I hope and pray that moving on we will be able to make healthier choices and be able to govern for ourselves what our bodies need as opposed to want. We need to set our standards: stick to our guns, stand our ground, and stay true to the decisions we have made concerning our health and not be tempted or talked into anything less than what we expect from ourselves.

You

I've been feeling a little discouraged lately. A couple weeks ago I weighed in and hadn't lost anything. In fact, I think I gained .2 pounds or something like that. Anyway, I looked back from my earlier days and found out that I stalled at the same weight then as I had this last time. (It was like Deja Vu.) Last week I lost and and I lost again this week. But I don't think this was really the reason why I have been feeling so discouraged.

This blog is a way for me to put thoughts and lessons I've learned down on "paper". When I first started this journey 4 years ago, I had so much feed back and support from those who read my blog. They kept me going. YOU keep me going.

I'm not doing this journey for you, I know I'm doing it for me. For my family. I'm not doing it to GET praise and to be noticed. But the truth is, I THRIVE on the feedback, comments, and support that I feel from my readers. Lately, I haven't been getting much feedback, and it's been bringing me down. So I haven't been posting as much. I wast to let you know that you are my inspiration. You matter to me, deeply.

So, I am writing this post to let you know that I need you now more than ever. It feels SO GOOD to know that there are people out there rooting for you. Your encouragement helps me get through the rough patches. Your cheers and words of encouragement help me feel successful. I need to feel your support. So, PLEASE let me know you are there. Again, YOU matter to ME.

Fuel

So, I think that I mentioned that my sister is also losing weight. She is doing an INCREDIBLE job, I'm so proud of her. Anyway, a little while ago I was talking to her about the ins and outs of how she is losing weight and she mentioned that the meals and snacks she eats are called "fuelings" because that's what food is, fuel for your body. I didn't really take that to heart until this last week.

My energy has been LOW. I've been crashing around 10 AM or sometimes even 2PM every day. I had talked to my doctor about it and he told me to NOT take naps (buzz kill) and to develop a more steady routine for bed. (With 4 kids??? HAHAHA!!!) In addition to crashing and needing to take a quick 10-60 minute power nap, I've also been completely exhausted at night. It hits me like a brick wall around 8:30. To say that I've been struggling is a severe understatement. And I've been struggling for a while. I've tried so hard to not take any naps, but I get to the point where I feel like I'm floating and that I just might pass out if I don't lay down and rest. Sometimes I get terrible headaches. It hasn't been good OR fun.

A couple days ago, this conversation about "fuelings" with my sister just popped into my head and it donned on me. You see, I haven't been having snacks. I haven't felt hungry enough to have snacks so, I haven't really been thinking about them. If I have a small breakfast then I tend to get a little hungry, but I just wait it out till it's time for lunch. I decided a couple days ago that I will try to start having snacks between meals to see if that made a difference in my energy levels. Even if I didn't FEEL hungry, I would still have a snack. I've been doing that for 3 or 4 days now and I think that it is actually making a difference. I don't have big snacks, but I give my body something to help it keep going. Go figure, right? HA! I haven't felt like I needed a nap for 2 days. I've had a lot more energy to keep up with my 2 year old and everything that is expected of me here at home, and also have the energy and time to do something for me. I didn't realize that I've been running on half full, or near empty all this time!

I think I have this misconception about snacks. I've always felt that if I eat more snacks, then I won't lose as much weight. I'm afraid that I WON'T lose the weight and that I will continue to gain. I think, up until now, I've been doing fine without snacks. I've had excess weight that kind of made up for not having snacks. Now that I've lost some of that excess weight, my body is starting to say, "Hey, I know you are trying hard and wanting to get healthy and lose weight, but I need energy to help you do that." I'm eating less and it is starting to catch up with me. I need the fuel, the snacks. Tomorrow is my weigh-in day. I will be confronting this misconception head on. Wish me luck!

Reckoning

This last week was the kids' spring break. It was also our oldest boy's birthday and Dad had taken the week off so, we decided that we would go to a nearby resort hotel and have some family fun together.

We went to Great Wolf Lodge (GWL) in Colorado Springs. If you aren't familiar with GWL, let me give you a "little" run down. (I say "little" because there isn't anything "little" about this place.) For starters, they have an indoor water park. It is exclusive only to their guests, which is really nice. In addition to the water park, they also have miniature golfing, a suspended ropes course, a rock wall, bowling, an arcade, a little mining station for kids, a scavenger hunt, several activities for the kids throughout the day (kids yoga, dancing, shows, etc. etc.), and this interactive video game called "MagiQuest". I decided I would leave my FitBit at home because I didn't want to lose it taking it off and on to get into the water. BIG MISTAKE! I SWEAR I walked at least 40,000 steps during our 2 night stay there. My feet and glutes hurt SO bad when we got home! Anyway, in addition to over stimulation for the kids, they are also equipped with several places to eat. They had an eatery inside the water park, a breakfast and dinner buffet, a pizzeria, a nice sit down restaurant open for lunch and dinner, a Ben and Jerry's, a candy shop, vending machines, and a Dunkin' Donuts. And they are smart about it too. You come down from the rooms and you immediately see the sit down place and off to the left is the buffet. Then you start heading the direction of the water park and you HAVE to pass the Ben and Jerry's, candy shop, Dunkin' Donuts, AND the pizzeria before you get to the entry to the park. Sheer brilliance. We did have fun though. A lot of exhausting fun.

Going on vacation used to be an "excuse", if you may, to eat whatever you want. "I'm going to eat this because I'm on vacation.", "It doesn't matter because I'm on vacation and I can do what I want." We made it a priority to stick to the plan during our stay. We made sure that our waiters knew that we were dairy free. They were VERY accommodating. The chefs would even come out and walk us through either the buffet or the menu and let us know what had dairy in it. If something had dairy in it that we wanted, they would then make us a special batch and bring it to our table. For instance, the first night (and first meal) there we went to the dinner buffet. They had salmon there that they had put a chipotle ranch on. We asked if they had any that hadn't gotten dressed yet and they didn't think so, BUT they cooked up a special batch of salmon just for us, and it was DELICIOUS. The next morning when we went down for breakfast they had scrambled eggs that they had cooked with butter. They scrambled a batch of eggs just for us without the butter. They really made it quite easy and I didn't feel like I was being picky or a nuisance. The unfortunate thing though were their French Fries. They. Were. Good. I might have eaten one or two......too much.

After our stay I mentioned to my husband how I didn't want to weigh-in because of all the food I ate. I didn't over fill myself. I don't ever recall feeling like I overate, but I knew that some of my choices weren't necessarily the best. He called it the "day of reckoning". How appropriate that is. I did it though. I weighed myself this morning and was pleasantly surprised. I only gained .2! I KNOW that all the walking I did helped with that. (I seriously walked all over that stupid place at least 100 times.) And also making sure we stuck to being dairy-free. When I logged in my weight I looked back over my weigh-ins from my past blogging. The same thing happened my 4th week in when we had gone to Utah for a family vacation. I gained .2 then and I gained .2 now.

There should be no excuse for making poor choices, vacation or no. Taking health seriously means just that, taking it seriously. My sister has lost an amazing amount of weight and she told me that when you go out you need to have a "plan". That you shouldn't deprive yourself of going out and hanging with friends or family because you don't want to "fall off the wagon". Have a plan and STICK to that plan. We had a plan. We stuck to that plan. Yes, I might have had too many French Fries and now I'm seeing the results because of it, but I'm proud of us for sticking to the plan.The day we got home I had a birthday cake to decorate. (I decorate cakes as a business.) There was no food in the house and I was NOT about to make dinner. (I was EXHAUSTED as were my kids!) A local southwest eatery sounded EXTREMELY good to me and when my husband called to ask about dairy-free items we found out that there was more dairy in things that we realized. It wasn't a LOT of dairy, 99% dairy-free, but there was dairy. Broke. My. Heart. But, we still stuck to the plan. We didn't go get food. My husband cooked some pasta and we topped it with what we wanted. It didn't hit the spot like the other food would have, but it did the job and he was my hero for making it. (Thanks again honey!!)

Vacations are about having fun and making memories, not regrets later. Take your health seriously. Have a plan. NO EXCUSES!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

It has officially been 9 weeks since we went dairy-free and I've started my weight loss journey again. I am already starting to see differences. Not only in myself, but my children as well. I did a similar post back in October of 2014. Some of the changes I'm noticing are the same they were back then: my pants are looser, my shirts are baggier, my tummy is getting flatter, etc. etc. One thing that I've noticed with going dairy-free though is that I am no longer waking up in the middle of the night with stomach cramps and bloating. This has literally been my own personal plague. Every night I would use essential oils to keep the bloating and cramps at bay. It worked fine, but now I don't have to worry about it.

My oldest daughter has had skin issues on the bottom of her feet since I can remember. They crack really deep and often bleed and cause her a lot of pain. They would peel and flake and get kind of "rubbery". I haven't personally looked at her feet lately, but she says that they are clearing up. We've always had to go through a pretty involved process to get her feet to the point where they would be considered healthy.

My second daughter has always had a little "pooch" on her and has also had issues with excessive gas. (I hope she doesn't hate me when she reads this.) When we asked her if she has noticed any differences, her stubborn head strong self said "No." Well, I have. Her tummy is gone. She no longer has the "pooch" she's always had and her butt has shrunk. Not to mention, she is no where near as gassy as she used to be. Let's call this a little miracle.

My almost 7 year old son has been wonderful. With everything placed before him he asks me if it is dairy-free, bless his heart. Also, when he is given treats of ANY kind, he either asks me or his big sisters if he can have it or if it has dairy in it. Before, he would go ahead and eat it without asking. He's such a sweetheart and I'm so proud of him for being aware of the food around him. He is definitely an example to me.

My youngest is 2. He's crazy. The only changes I've noticed in him is that his cheeks don't seem to flare up anymore with redness. They still get dry because we live in Colorado and there is ZERO humidity, but his cheeks used to get SO chapped and red. It was irritating mine just to see his flared up. His diaper rashes aren't as bad either.

I don't know if my husband has noticed any changes, I'll have to ask him. But, overall, I'm very happy to see the changes I'm seeing. Everybody in the house is benefiting from this major change in our lives. 

Breaking Point

Each of us has our "Breaking Point". Well, I hit mine today.

The whole point of this weight loss journey is so that I can be healthier. Healthier and happier, right? I've changed the way I eat and I've changed the kinds of things I eat. I'm losing weight and fitting into my clothes better. I should be happy, right?? So, why am I NOT happy?! I'm working on the physical aspect of becoming healthier, but I haven't been so much working on the emotional and spiritual side of things.

For a while now I have felt completely numb. Numb from the emotions of the day, numb from the spirit that guides me in my daily trials. I'm just numb. In Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages" he mentions a top 3 daily requirement. That everyday you should sit down with your spouse and share 3 emotions or feelings of the day. This helps open the door to a better communicating relationship and also lets your spouse know where you are, how you're feeling, and if there is anything that they can do to help. It's provides a deeper connection. Spencer and I have always had the best of intentions to start this and keep at it, but lately I've thought, "If I were to sit down and pick 3 emotions from the day, what would I even say?!" Lately my response has been, "Tired, overwhelmed, and tired."

My book club recently read "Reading People" by Anne Bogel.  I found it hard to follow because I had never even heard of all these different types of personalities, but that's not the point. There was a section in her book that talked about Enneagrams. At the end of reading the book we all took the personality tests and I found out that my Enneagram is a Type 2. I am a very unhealthy 2. The reason I say that is because of this in the description:

"Because Twos are generally helping others meet their needs, they can forget to take care of their own. This can lead to physical burnout, emotional exhaustion and emotional volatility. Twos need to learn that they can only be of true service to others if they are healthy, balanced and centered in themselves."

In all my efforts to take care of my family, I have completely pushed my needs away to allow time for them. I haven't been allowing myself any "me time"; doing the things that I want, nourishing myself, and working on my emotional and spiritual needs. I have been so busy and overwhelmed taking care of my household's needs and my family's needs, that I haven't even given my needs a second thought. This is not helping me become a healthier me! Am I being selfish in wanting to take care of myself??? In wanting my needs and wants fulfilled??!!

When I got married and started to have kids, I signed up for this. I am a homemaker. It is my duty as a mother and wife to take care of my kids' and my husband's needs. All the time and effort it takes me to do all this, by the end of the day I am completely EXHAUSTED and I just tune out and become numb. This was my realization last night which led to my breaking point today and a pretty ugly morning this morning. I've been expecting my family to fill that empty void in me, especially my husband. How can I expect that void to be filled when I'm not doing anything to fill it? They can't do that for me.

This is where I'm at right now. I don't know what it is I need to do. I get out twice a month to do something I want to do, but that isn't enough. In order for me to be a healthier me, I need to make time for ME! EVERY. DAY. I don't see any other way. I just don't know who I am anymore because I have been numb for so long.

Today in church I gave the Relief Society lesson. (Relief Society is a class for just women 18 years and older.) A friend made the comment, "Who is the most important person in the home?" All of us naturally think the children, right? Well, she continued to say, "Without us, the parents, the children wouldn't even be here. So, who is the most important person in the family? We are." It was like she knew exactly how my morning went. I hadn't even said a word and she read me completely. She helped me see that I am important! That I need to take care of myself. I'm thinking, and praying, that as I start to take care of myself and my needs then the numbness will go away. That I will start to FEEL again.

I AM important. If I can't take care of myself, how can I expect to take care of my family?? An unhealthy me also makes for an unhealthy family. We can eat all the very best foods, be the ideal weight, have the best health results, and still not be healthy if we don't take the time to take care of ourselves. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I HAVE to.

Size Matters

One of the "rules" of this lifestyle that we have chosen is to eat ONLY until you are no longer hungry. I think it is the hardest out of all the "rules". Sometimes it is such a gray line and you don't know you've over eaten, or not eaten enough, until later. It's really hard to get used to, without feeling like you're starving yourself.

Something I do that helps with making sure I don't over eat is using a smaller plate. I use a small plate for breakfast (when I actually need a plate), for lunch (one of those from IKEA for kids), and for dinner. I've noticed that when I use a big plate, I tend to overeat. I don't put anything on my small plate that won't fit.

I made mango BBQ chicken, potato salad, and broccoli for dinner. I had split each breast into two thinner cutlets which made for a more appropriate size serving. If I want to eat some of everything, I take smaller portions. I do this because if I run out of room on the plate, then I don't eat it. VERY seldom do I take seconds. I also ALWAYS make sure that I finish my water between helpings. This helps the food settle and helps "fill in" where I need it to (so I don't overeat).

The size of plate and serving portions really truly matter! Did you notice a few years ago that most restaurants changed the size of plates they use and their portion sizes? I sure did! I remember getting the plate and thinking, "That's it???!!!"  Now I just expect it and am always FLOORED when it is big enough to feed at least 3 people.

If you struggle with overeating, I HIGHLY recommend changing the size plate you use. It really has made a huge difference with me.

Test Results

So, a couple weeks ago I went in for a biometric screening. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically a fasting blood test where they check my glucose, triglycerides, and cholesterol and then they take my vitals. (We got an extra $300 in our FSA for doing it.) Well, my test results came back and it all looked great except my triglycerides.

I went in to see my doctor and he told me that people would pay to have my cholesterol levels (that made me feel good), and that my triglycerides were slightly elevated. That was such a relief! The lab made it seem like I was at the top of the scale at 201, but turns out that it could actually be in the thousands! I walked away from that appointment feeling pretty darn good about myself and the health choices I have made in my life. Especially when he told me that when he had seen me earlier in the week he had thought to himself that I had to have lost some weight. He told me to keep it up and that I weighed less now than I have in the past 5 years, according to his records. I think that was the very first time I have EVER walked out of the doctors office feeling good about myself!

Choosing a healthy lifestyle most certainly pays off!! I'm so grateful that I'm choosing to be healthy.

Cashew Queso

My mom LOVES Queso. She has really been missing it with this Dairy-Free eating. I was given a recipe for some Dairy-Free Queso from my friend (the same one who gave me the Spinach Artichoke recipe). I promised my mom that I would make it for her. Well, I did and guess what!? ANOTHER AMAZING recipe!! And it was SO easy!

Cashew Queso
  
1 C Cashew Milk
1/4 C Nutritional Yeast (the GOOD stuff!) 
1/2 C raw Almonds
1/2 C raw Cashews
I whole Red Bell Pepper, seeded
1 1/2 tsp Sea Salt
1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
1 tsp Onion Powder
pinch Crushed Red Pepper Flakes (this wasn't spicy, but if you like it spicy add more)

1. Add liquid to your blender first then everything else after.
2. Start blender on low and increase speed to high
3. Blend on high for 6 minutes

We have a Vitamix and it actually heat this up while it blended. I don't know what a normal blender would do, but if it doesn't heat up you could always place it in a small skillet after it is blended and heat it up. I actually made burritos and smothered them with the Queso. It was DELICIOUS and my mom was VERY happy.


P.S. We just finished the burritos that we used this on. Just to let you know, it didn't stay as creamy as it was the first night, but what cheese does? It still tasted delicious though! 

Dairy-Free Alfredo

If you know me, you know that I am a straight up Alfredo SNOB. I LOVE Alfredo sauce. It is one of my go-to comfort foods. Before I order it at a restaurant, I always ask if I can taste it first. That way I know if it is good or not. Another thing about me is that I am NOT a Cauliflower fan. Smother it in butter and red wine vinegar and I'll eat a little, but other than that...no thanks. Well, I found a dairy-free Alfredo recipe that is absolutely DELICIOUS! And guess what? It uses CAULIFLOWER.

Healthier Cauliflower Alfredo Sauce

• 1 medium head of cauliflower, steamed (I had a large head so I used half) 
• 1 large onion
• 3-5 cloves garlic
• 1 tablespoon butter (I used Earth Balance Olive Oil Spread. I find it at Sprouts)
• 3/4 cup cashew milk
• 1/2 cup chicken broth
• 1/4 cup nutritional yeast optional (Make sure it's the good stuff!)
• 1/2 teaspoon sea salt

Instructions

1. Cut the onion and garlic into thin slices. Melt the butter in a skillet on low heat, add onion slices and garlic and sauté covered on low until the onions are golden and caramelized (minimum 20 minutes).
2. Place the tender cauliflower florets into a blender or food processor together with the caramelized onions, garlic, 1/2 cup of broth, milk and salt. Puree until smooth.
   This stuff was pretty AMAZING on pasta. We were all very much loving it. My husband even said that he never would have known it was made with Cauliflower if I hadn't told him. Give it a try!! You'll LOVE it!

Fear

How many of us have thought to ourselves, "I can't do it. Why try?"

I just finished this book called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years". It's about a man who was approached by some film makers to make a movie based on a book he had written, but realized that he himself was living a boring life and needed to change. So he sets out to "write a better story" of himself. It was a really good book and I totally recommend it. It made me think about the life I myself was living and the lives that I was helping my children live. Anyway, he was talking about fear and how it plays a big part in our lives, IF we allow it to. he says,

"I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn't only a guide to keep us safe; it's also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life."

He then says,

"While ambition creates fear, it also creates the story."

We can't let fear win. Fear is an enemy and we only doubt ourselves because of fear. I can't even tell you how many times I've been on a diet and have failed. The earliest I can remember going on a diet is third grade. I didn't know what I was doing, I was NINE! But, it was my first failed diet. It will always be my first failed diet. It started me on the path to find something that worked for ME. I'm trying to write me a better story. One that will allow me to live a healthier and happier life for me AND my family.

Today when I weighed in, the scale didn't show a loss. I even went and used my mom's scale after mine didn't show a loss. I admit that I was quite discouraged, disappointed, and a bit taken back. My pants seem to be fitting looser and I was extra cautious this week in paying attention to my body signals and portions. I thought for sure I was going to show a loss. But, when I didn't, I immediately thought, "Why try?!" I was down so, I made myself a cup of Dairy-Free Hot Chocolate, toasted up an Organic Cinnamon Raisin Bagel, and cut up half a Cara Cara Orange. It tasted good. And then I talked to my husband. I started to doubt myself and the promptings and guidance I've gotten to do this. It's a scary road and I'm bound to have ups and downs. No road known to man doesn't have ups and downs. I need to remember this and today was quite the humble reminder.

When you find yourself doubting yourself and asking yourself, "Why try?", just remember,

"The great stories go to those who don't give into fear."

I want mine to be a GREAT story.

Signs

There are many signs that we kind of brush off or don't pay much attention to: speed limit signs, signs that tell us to "slow down", "Yield",  and a lot that say "Stop". This last week we got another big snow storm. The common sign that I've been reflecting on is "Caution: Roads may be Icy". My car will often times bring up a little reminder that tells me to be careful because ice may be present. This is a warning that we can all pay more attention to in our own personal journeys, especially me.

As I've been recovering from being sick and getting back into the swing of things, I found myself slipping on that icy road because I was going too fast. This last week I haven't been following all the rules and it was a humble reminder as I stepped on the scale of how important the rules are. Just like traffic signs, we need to follow the rules and heed the cautions that are given to us.

Many times this last week I found myself telling myself, "I shouldn't have eaten that much." I'm realizing that I don't need 2 eggs, 1 does the job just fine. Just like I don't need a whole sandwich when I'm having other things with it such as fruit or chips. I really don't need seconds, I usually have seconds only because it tastes so good. This is NOT a good reason. And I shouldn't eat chips out of the bag. I should put an amount on my plate and be happy with that, (I've been on a guacamole and hummus trip lately.) I didn't pay attention to my body signals and often found myself eating only because it was that time of day, even though I wasn't hungry, which also led me to realize that I had over eaten the meal previous. This was a common, vicious cycle this last week. Needless to say, I'm paying MUCH closer attention to the size of my meals. Even my protein shakes have gotten smaller.

The point is this, the signs are there for a reason. The rules are there for a reason. They are both there to protect us and to help us stay safe and healthy. We can't take them for granted. I can't take them for granted anymore.

1000 Paper Cuts

Have you ever heard the expression, "Death by 1000 paper cuts?" This week was a DOOZY! I got sick enough to need antibiotics, our youngest got an ear infection, our second broke her arm, our oldest had a few melt downs this week due to stress in High School, and our third is in eye therapy and does his therapy best in the mornings before school. Now, my husband is sick. It just doesn't seem to end. But that is part of the journey.

Every road you take there are bound to be a few bumps. Sometimes the bumps are massive potholes. And sometimes the road is closed and you have to take the detour, which has massive potholes or is even a gravel road off the beaten path. We took a few detours this week, but that is OK. Life happens. Sickness happens. Broken bones should NOT happen, but it did in our family. Despite all the trials and difficulties, we made it. We survived the week still managing to be dairy-free. I'm feeling better, our youngest is doing much better, our oldest pulled it together and made quite the recovery (I'm SO proud of her), our third managed to do therapy 3 of the 5 days out of the week (thanks to my husband who worked from home most of the week), and our second was able to go from a non-removable splint to a removable splint and therefor doesn't need my help as much getting ready for school in the mornings. Now, my husband just needs to get over his sickness and all will be right again.

P.S. Today was weigh day!

Spinach Artichoke Yumminess

My girls are old enough now that they can cook a meal once a week on their own.  My oldest decided that she wanted to make spinach and artichoke stuffed shells.  I didn't look too closely at the recipe, but she did get it from a vegan website.  Anyway, when I announced that we were going dairy-free I got a message from an earthly angel and friend.  Her family has been dairy-free for about a year now.  She was so willing and happy to share some of her favorite dairy-free recipes.  One of these recipes was a Spinach and Artichoke dip.  Oh. My. Gosh!  This stuff was AMAZING!  I didn't feel like buying MORE pasta because we already have so much so, my daughter and I decided that she was going to do a spinach and artichoke pasta bake.  SO. VERY. YUMMY!  Here's the recipe she used, and BELIEVE me when I say that you NEVER would know there was no cheese:

Spinach and Artichoke Dip

3/4 C raw cashews, unsoaked
1-2 medium-large cloves garlic, sliced or quartered
3/4 tsp sea salt
1/2 tsp dry mustard
pepper to taste
3/4 C plain unsweetened nondairy milk (she used cashew milk)
2 1/2-3 T fresh squeezed lemon juice
2 C frozen artichoke hearts, partially thawed
2 C spinach leaves, loosley packed

Preheat oven to 425

In a blender, add cashews, garlic, salt, mustard, pepper, milk and lemon juice.  Blend until very smooth.  Add the artichokes and spinach and just pulse through; do not fully blend in order to keep some chunky texture. Transfer to an ovenproof baking dish and bake for 17-20 minutes, until lightly golden on top.


What my daughter did was cook the pasta so it was a little undercooked.  Then she tossed the warm pasta with the dip and baked it according to the directions in the recipe.  She served it with warm marinara for extra sauciness.  My 6 year old son, probably the PICKIEST eater on this Earth had 2 helpings!  I say that is a success.  It really was quite wonderful, and we didn't miss the dairy at all.

Enjoy!

One Week Back

When people find out that we have gone dairy-free, the typical responses are, "I don't think I could ever do that!", and "That has got to be hard!".  Well, actually it hasn't been that hard at all.  There was one meal this week where I missed the cheese, but it wasn't that big of a deal.  We actually have been using nut milks for a while now (since I first started this journey almost 4 years ago) and that, I think, has made it easier on us.  Our 2 and 6 year old boys actually prefer the nut milk over the cows milk and that makes it a TON easier.

Today marks the end of the first week back.  Yes, I did weigh this morning and I logged it in my weight tracker. I was able to unload all the food we had that contained dairy and it felt amazing!  It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was such a relief, especially knowing that it went to people who could use it instead of us throwing it away.

Today I decided that I was going to read all my past blog posts.  It was a bit of an eye opener for me and it was good.  I am so glad that I started this blog and that I've started to blog again.  I was able to remember things that I had completely forgotten about. I love that I shared things and was so open with my experiences. The post that REALLY stood out to me today was my "Conversion" post from November of 2014. Especially how, in order to make a difference, we need to be completely converted to the idea of how and what we are going to change.  My girls went ice skating this weekend with our church youth group.  As a treat they had hot chocolate and donuts to offer the kids.  My girls kindly declined the offers and I was SO very proud of them for doing this.  I knew that they were going to have these treats there so, before the girls left we broke out some fresh berries and this dessert hummus I found at the store.  Yes, it sounds weird, but it was actually quite tasty. As I was reading my "Conversion" post I hoped that my girls would get to the point where THEY notice a difference in themselves so that they could be converted to a healthier way of living.  They are older now and I leave the decision making up to them, but I truly want them to notice for themselves the changes that will be happening. I feel as though they are committed to the changes we are making.

I wish that I had been able to do better while I was pregnant with our 4th. Pregnancy is tough. And I'm sorry that I wasn't able to make it back as soon after, BUT I'm glad that we are here now.  I'm so grateful for the experiences that I've had this last week with making new changes in our eating habits.  My eyes have been opened to a new world and I am SO excited to start exploring more into this world of nondairy.  Who's with me?!

Cheese-less Pizza

We have renamed cheese-less pizza to "Bruschetta Pizza". This is what we had for dinner the other night.  It turned out pretty amazing thanks to some awesome olive oil blends, a sun-dried tomato pesto that was dairy-free (thank you Costco!), and an incredible recipe for a spread that really helped us NOT miss cheese.  All the kids liked it which was a MIRACLE in and of itself. So far this dairy-free thing isn't so bad!

I made sourdough pizza crust and used different "sauces" on them.  One pizza I used the sun-dried tomato pesto, another I used just sun-dried tomatoes that were bottled in olive oil (I used that oil for flavor), a Mediterranean blend olive oil that I get from a local oil shop called Drizzle and Dip, and this amazing veggie spread that was so creamy we really didn't miss the cheese. Here is the recipe:

Mashed White Beans and Vegetables

2 T olive oil, plus more for drizzling
1 onion, coarsely chopped
1 celery stalk, sliced
1 carrot, peeled and sliced
I clove garlic, minced
2 pounds Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks (I didn't have any Yukon Gold potatoes so I used red potatoes and it was still yummy.)
1 1/2 C canned white beans, drained and rinsed
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Heat olive oil in medium saucepan over medium heat. Cook onion, celery, and carrot until onion is translucent. About 6-8 minutes. Add garlic and stir until fragrant. Add potatoes and beans and enough water to cover mixture. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat to a simmer and cook until potatoes are tender when pierced with a fork. About 8-10 minutes. Drain, reserving liquid. Either mash or puree vegetables, using reserved liquid to adjust the consistency. Season with salt and pepper, drizzle with more olive oil, and serve.


This makes a lot of spread. I had the idea of maybe using it instead of cheese for panini's. The recipe suggests using it as a bed for garlicky broccoli rabe, or slow-roasted tomatoes witch would also be delicious.  Enjoy!!

Dairy-free

One of the BIGGEST changes that we, as a family, are doing this go round is going dairy-free for a little while. This is a HUGE change in our lives and it didn't sit very well with a couple people at first. It is going to be a big adjustment, but I have faith that we, as a family, can do it TOGETHER. Some health concerns came up that led us to this decision and we are feeling really good that this is the direction we need to take.

So, here I start my first dairy-free post!!!

My husbands birthday was this weekend and, being the primary cook and baker in the family, I asked him what kind of "treat" he wanted for his birthday. We had already made the decision that we were going-dairy free so the search for recipes ensued. For Christmas he gave me a sourdough starter. I've been having a LOT of fun with this. I LOVE sourdough. The family LOVES sourdough. Back BEFORE we had decided to go dairy-free I searched for sourdough recipes to use my discard in. In my search I came across chocolate cake. And wouldn't you know it, there is a dairy-free sourdough chocolate cake recipe. We just HAD to try it out. It was AMAZING. Here is the recipe:

For the sponge:
1 cup ripe sourdough starter
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour, freshly milled
1 cup coconut milk, canned

Mix the starter, flour, and the milk together in a bowl, cover, and leave at a room temp for approx 6 hours. Warning, this does NOT have a pleasant aroma, but it made EXCELLENT cake.



For the Cake:
1 cup coconut oil
1 1/4 cups coconut sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
6 oz unsweetened baking chocolate, melted
1 tsp sea salt
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
 
Add eggs, sugar, oil and melted chocolate together in a bowl and mix well. Stir in salt, vanilla and baking soda. Add to the soured flour. Pour into oiled 9x13 pan. Bake in preheated 350° oven for 30-35 minutes. Allow to cool completely before frosting.

For the Frosting:
1 cup canned coconut cream (I stirred the cream, but I don't think you're supposed to. It still turned out yummy though, just runny)
1/2 cup coconut sugar
3 oz unsweetened baking chocolate, melted
1 tsp vanilla

Using a hand mixer, start by mixing up the coconut creme with the melted chocolate on low, add the sugar and vanilla and mix well. Frost completely cooled cake.



Every one of us LOVED this cake. Give it a try!! I got the recipe from:

http://thehomesteadinghippy.com

Unrealistic Expectations

I have this unrealistic expectation. I start making changes and I somehow expect that there is going to be a noticeable difference the next day. I weighed myself the day before I started to eat more healthy again. The day after I started eating better I weighed again and the scale gave me a VERY generous 6 pound boost in the WRONG direction. Stupid scale. Duh me.

How awesome would it be if you could just wake up the next morning and be done. No more fat. No more struggling to walk up the stairs. (Just a side note, after we found out I was pregnant 3 years ago we decided to move to a bigger house. We have about 3x's as many stairs as our old place and we are about 1,000 feet higher in elevation. It takes a lot out of me to get up the stairs.) No more sore knees. You look in the mirror and you feel GREAT!! On the other hand, isn't that what a journey is all about? The road getting to the end? Think about it. Even though it would be AWESOME to be done just overnight, we forget that, if that were the case, we would be robbing ourselves of the blessings and the lessons we would learn on our path to the end. These last 3 years and the months and years even before that have been such a learning experience for me. Now I'm excited to start learning even more! I've learned so much about myself and the people I love. I haven't realized the example they have been to me throughout my life. I watch as my now 2 year old eats, but stops when he isn't hungry anymore (unlike his siblings). Why am I not doing that?

Remember back a lifetime ago I posted the "rules" to the WOW way of eating? The SECOND rule is to not overeat. You stop eating when you are not longer hungry. I admitted it back then and I admit it NOW.  It is THE hardest rule for me. Curse the old ways of "You better finish everything on the plate or I'll give you what for" kind of days. I am trying very hard NOT to pass that one down. It needs to be abolished. Every time I eat I need to repeat over and over in my head that I need to stop eating when I am no longer hungry. Pregnancy and nursing kinda' kicked that one to the curb so now I need to "re-train" myself to not to overeat. I can start by looking to my 2 year old as an example.

I need to NOT have unrealistic expectations. This weight didn't get there over night. It's not going away overnight either.

I'm Back

It has been almost 3 years now since we found out I was pregnant with our 4th, and the last post I wrote on this blog. Since having him I have tried very hard to get back to eating more closely to how we ate before. I've struggled. I've struggled HARD. I have my weaknesses, but everybody does. This is just a reminder that I am NOT immune. Nobody is.

Recent health issues that have come up with those in our household have kind of "kick started" me into starting this journey again. I am grateful for this. Even though these are trials that others are going through, including me, I am grateful for these trials. I learn from my trials. I wouldn't be the person I am today with out them.

So, here I am. I am back and I plan on seeing this journey through. Here we go again. TO THE END!!!



p.s. I've updated my weight tracker as well.