In the past, when I would have a bad day, I would turn to food. A pint of ice cream (Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby was a MUST, until they changed their recipe) would often console me in times of despair. Anything that would bring me an ounce of comfort would be my go to. It is no wonder that I have struggled with my weight, being diagnosed with severe depression when I was in Jr High and, as mentioned earlier, dealing with constant berating from peers and family. Food was my drug of choice. That's all I knew. That's all I had to turn to.
Yesterday was a bad, but eye opening day. I came home feeling defeated and went to the fridge to fix me something to eat, I hadn't had dinner yet. The family had eaten and I could have eaten the leftovers that my husband was going to take to work, but I didn't. I didn't want to fix anything because, like I said, I felt defeated. I caught myself thinking, "Some ice cream would be so good right now. Or nachos. Or mozzarella sticks.". There it was. That NASTY, DIRTY, STUPID habit of turning to food to seek comfort. That little devil putting the thoughts in my head to make me stray from what I know to be right. Instead, I didn't eat dinner. I know that wasn't the BEST decision, but it was better than hopping in the car and going to the closest fast food joint that is also across the street from a grocery store in which lies Ben and Jerry. I also was able to talk it out along with a lot of tears. I have to say that as I woke up this morning, I didn't regret my decision, as I often would when I would turn to Ben and Jerry. I was able to snuff that devil out of my head, by simply talking to someone. It is AMAZING the power a willing ear can hold. I hope to be that willing ear someday to someone. I am indebted to the person who was willing to lend their ear. You have helped me more than you can possibly know, thank you!
Disclosure: I am not blaming family and peers for my weight issues. The choices were mine and mine alone.
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