Vulnerability

This is such a change for me. In fact, this is NOTHING like me!  If you had said to me 2 months ago that I would be writing a blog about my weight loss journey, I would have laughed in your face.

Ever since I got my license, I have weighed "150" pounds. I've been living a lie most of my life. I have always been reserved and private about my weight, very "hush hush", which is completely ridiculous because you can't hide weight, it is out there for everyone to see.  I've always either closed my eyes or turned around at the doctor's office when they weighed me. I've never known how much I actually gained with each of my children, this is something that I didn't want to know.  And when the doctor would say, "Oh!  I see you have gained 11 pounds this last month!", it didn't help me feel better about myself, even though I was growing a human! I think not knowing what I weighed made it easier for me to be oblivious to the fact that I needed to lose the weight because I couldn't put a number on it. It's the proverbial, "If a man does the dishes and the woman doesn't see, did it actually happen?".  If I didn't know how much I weighed, then it wasn't real. I couldn't tell myself that I was "X" amount of pounds overweight. It was easier that way.

I am not doing this to be held accountable.  I am 35 years old and I would like to think that I can hold myself accountable for my actions.  I am putting myself out there! I am making myself vulnerable! Why?  Because I need to stop lying to myself and to everyone else and "face the music". I'm tired of being someone I'm not. This isn't just a journey to lose weight, it is a journey to find myself!  Who am I?! When was the last time you made yourself that vulnerable?